tfa_kink | DISCUSSION/OFF-TOPIC POST

Why would anyone have terror over buying major appliances?

Because it costs money they don't have? Idk.

Most likely money. Though with certain major appliances they have to be installed by professionals. Alone. With you. In your house. ...Which is definitely something I have a small terror of ever since the heating repair man hit on me with ever-increasing aggression in my own home. For two consecutive visits. So that could be a thing for other people too, idk.

IDK but a lot of people have terror over acting like an adult and being responsible

I roll my eyes whenever I see someone posting on tumblr about how ~intimidating it is to call a doctor's office and make an appointment or how they deserve praise for doing the dishes and ~adulting.

God forbid anyone have a mental or physical illness that prevents them from consistently "adulting", then being proud of themselves for managing when they can.

Yeah man. My adult ass had to pay for 2000 dollars worth of therapy to be able to call the doctor with goddamn social anxiety. Damn right I'm gonna brag about it.

Thank you.

Yeah.

But I sincerely doubt that is the case for a random sample of those on tumblr posting about how hard ~adulting is.

Kinda funny that this comment comes after two pointing out the issue of money.

I have this terror over the mist inconsequential things that no one would ever guess. On the outside I look like the most adult of adults--I've moved to three different countries on two different continents on my own for work that requires quite a lot of ambition, I've lived on my own throughout this entire process, I like to do my own diy around the house, etc. But honestly I hate doing my taxes so much (I have to do double taxes! My home country's and where I am currently!) that I take two days off work: one day to do it, one day to recover. And I'd quite like to be congratulated for doing my laundry some days.

Maybe some of the tumblr people only whine because it's tumblr and no one irl, where they're otherwise adults, will see.

This! Definitely! I don't usually brag on myself but I'm pretty sure that most people I know irl would assume I've got my shit together. I've never been late to work in about 3 years with the same company (I'm just out of college), I'm great at budgeting and I've been able to help some friends figure out how to make living on their own work, I have a pretty decent social life? I also have a chronic illness - I've ended up answering work emails from a hospital bed more than a couple times and sometimes I'm in so much (physical) pain that I work from home so no one will see how slowly I need to go or the adaptive equipment I use or that I end up crying over very stupid things, like not being able to hold a cup or having too many typos. I know they're dumb things to cry about but sometimes it just feels so discouraging to not be able to do a little thing like that?

I'm pretty sure that no one I know casually irl knows about this? Which is good! I don't want them to! I don't want to go from being a casual friend or a coworker to "That Sick Person". But it's really really nice sometimes to go on tumblr and get to see people readily acknowledging how much "behind the scenes" work goes into being a person sometimes, idk.

I mean, I know no one really has it easy, even the people who you'd expect to? Everyone's got something going on. But it's really helped me more to hear "Hey, man, good on you! You felt shitty but you made that phone call/did your dishes/ate a decent meal, you're doing alright! Keep it up!" than to hear "Well, everyone's got some shit so if you plan on staying alive, deal." (But I guess I need to hear the second one, too, sometimes, haha.)

This is off topic, but why do you end so many declarative sentences with a question mark?

AYRT - I actually hadn't noticed quite how often I do it when writing casually (versus writing professionally or writing fiction) until you pointed it out, haha. I think I'm trying to compensate for how unclear inflection is when typing, maybe - as a matter of fact, I really want to end this sentence with a question mark, but I won't ;)

Have you talked to a therapist about your workaholic tendencies though? What you are describing is not a healthy working life long term.

DA. Not sure how a therapist will be able to help with a chronic illness, and they don't come across as especially workaholic to me, but nice condescension.

AYRT - I do see a therapist when I can afford one/when I have time to, mostly to help me deal with things I literally just can't do because of my illness. Not to overshare, but a "normal" sex life is pretty much out of the question for me. This gets me down pretty badly sometimes. It helps to talk to someone.

I wouldn't call myself a workaholic, I just don't make a lot of money (enough, certainly, but not loads extra) and can't afford to take a lot of unplanned time away from work. When I'm sick, I'm sick for more than just a couple days. Sometimes doing what I need to do to support myself means working from home or while hospitalized.

I also really, genuinely enjoy my work most days!

AYRT.

Sorry, didn't mean to imply anything about you or what you should be doing. I personally find it rude to tell strangers online to see a therapist when they didn't ask for advice, but maybe they really were trying to be helpful.

AYRT - I think I might have replied to the wrong person on this thread, yikes!! Sorry!

I'm definitely not looking for advice, though! Not that I think you'd all have bad advice, it's just that I've already spent a lot of time sorting through what does and doesn't work for me.

Fair enough, but make sure you take the time you need to deal with your health issues when they get severe and let yourself do what healing you're capable of within your condition. It just worries me to see the scenario you've described because it sounds like one where you are putting your workplace's needs ahead of your own, and I don't know you at all, but that makes me genuinely concerned for you.

This sounds like concern-trolling.

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insisting on working when you are not realistically well enough to work, whether due to temporary illness or a flare-up in a chronic illness) is workaholic tendency, particularly ifyou are keeping your struggle secret from your employer. Putting a job ahead of your health is not good, for the worker or the job.

Are you someone who grew up more comfortably well off? Because working for a living despite illness/pain is a very common experience for most people in the world. You're basically choosing a bearable pain that you've figured out how to work through over the pain of starving to death or becoming homeless. It's a perfectly reasonable choice.

insisting on working when you are not realistically well enough to work, whether due to temporary illness or a flare-up in a chronic illness) is workaholic tendency

Just out of curiosity, how rich are your mommy and daddy, and are they ever planning on kicking your ass out of their basement?

AYRT - My health history isn't any of my employer's (or any employer's!!) business. I have absolutely no intention of disclosing that information because while it's illegal where I am to outright fire me because of it, I can definitely see my role in the company getting scaled back or my hours cut until I need to take another job to afford to live. I've seen it happen to other people and it's disgusting and unfair but it's a very real possibility. No matter how "nice" you think your boss is, they have bottom lines to meet and they're not going to prioritize you, your feelings or your needs above them.

I'm doing what I need to do to protect myself because I cannot currently afford not to have a job or to spend time job-searching and because I really like my job!