tfa_kink | DISCUSSION/OFF-TOPIC POST

This! Definitely! I don't usually brag on myself but I'm pretty sure that most people I know irl would assume I've got my shit together. I've never been late to work in about 3 years with the same company (I'm just out of college), I'm great at budgeting and I've been able to help some friends figure out how to make living on their own work, I have a pretty decent social life? I also have a chronic illness - I've ended up answering work emails from a hospital bed more than a couple times and sometimes I'm in so much (physical) pain that I work from home so no one will see how slowly I need to go or the adaptive equipment I use or that I end up crying over very stupid things, like not being able to hold a cup or having too many typos. I know they're dumb things to cry about but sometimes it just feels so discouraging to not be able to do a little thing like that?

I'm pretty sure that no one I know casually irl knows about this? Which is good! I don't want them to! I don't want to go from being a casual friend or a coworker to "That Sick Person". But it's really really nice sometimes to go on tumblr and get to see people readily acknowledging how much "behind the scenes" work goes into being a person sometimes, idk.

I mean, I know no one really has it easy, even the people who you'd expect to? Everyone's got something going on. But it's really helped me more to hear "Hey, man, good on you! You felt shitty but you made that phone call/did your dishes/ate a decent meal, you're doing alright! Keep it up!" than to hear "Well, everyone's got some shit so if you plan on staying alive, deal." (But I guess I need to hear the second one, too, sometimes, haha.)

This is off topic, but why do you end so many declarative sentences with a question mark?

AYRT - I actually hadn't noticed quite how often I do it when writing casually (versus writing professionally or writing fiction) until you pointed it out, haha. I think I'm trying to compensate for how unclear inflection is when typing, maybe - as a matter of fact, I really want to end this sentence with a question mark, but I won't ;)

Have you talked to a therapist about your workaholic tendencies though? What you are describing is not a healthy working life long term.

DA. Not sure how a therapist will be able to help with a chronic illness, and they don't come across as especially workaholic to me, but nice condescension.

AYRT - I do see a therapist when I can afford one/when I have time to, mostly to help me deal with things I literally just can't do because of my illness. Not to overshare, but a "normal" sex life is pretty much out of the question for me. This gets me down pretty badly sometimes. It helps to talk to someone.

I wouldn't call myself a workaholic, I just don't make a lot of money (enough, certainly, but not loads extra) and can't afford to take a lot of unplanned time away from work. When I'm sick, I'm sick for more than just a couple days. Sometimes doing what I need to do to support myself means working from home or while hospitalized.

I also really, genuinely enjoy my work most days!

AYRT.

Sorry, didn't mean to imply anything about you or what you should be doing. I personally find it rude to tell strangers online to see a therapist when they didn't ask for advice, but maybe they really were trying to be helpful.

AYRT - I think I might have replied to the wrong person on this thread, yikes!! Sorry!

I'm definitely not looking for advice, though! Not that I think you'd all have bad advice, it's just that I've already spent a lot of time sorting through what does and doesn't work for me.

Fair enough, but make sure you take the time you need to deal with your health issues when they get severe and let yourself do what healing you're capable of within your condition. It just worries me to see the scenario you've described because it sounds like one where you are putting your workplace's needs ahead of your own, and I don't know you at all, but that makes me genuinely concerned for you.

This sounds like concern-trolling.

AYRT - I don't think you need to be concerned, really. I'm putting my needs first, promise! My needs include money. Finding ways to work while sick allows me to provide that for myself, which is invaluable. I can't tell you how much better and less scary things have been for me since I've been able to sort out a job that's flexible enough for this! I'm really so grateful for it!

Having a chronic illness gets expensive when you can't afford great insurance and it's one part of my lifestyle I can't really make the decision to spend less on, unfortunately.

Okay, as long as you aren't letting them push you into thinking you don't have a right to take time off if you judge you're too sick. I've worked with colds, flus, pneumonia, a slipped disc, gallstones, and been made to reschedule surgeries to suit my employers demands, and didn't think my needs held any worth at all in favor of the demands of the job. I developed a heart condition and had a nervous breakdown, and despite all I'd given to that job, I lost it. I had to be on support for a while, which sucked and I had to borrow money from family to survive, but I now have a new job that pays better per hour and will let me take time off when I'm sick (not paid time off, but it's manageable).

Your description reminded me so much of myself that I really got scared for you, particularly with a chronic illness. That's all.

Not the AYRT.

I was one of the anime who left snarky comments elsewhere in the thread, and I want to apologize. I didn't realize you were coming from a place of personal experience, rather than just being judgmental about the other anon's health and life choices without comprehending why anyone might not have a choice about working when sick.

ayrt

It's okay. To be fair, I didn't explain where I was coming from with what I said either. Random baseless judgement being far more common on the internet than random experience based concern, I understand the reaction and the entirely noble impulse to defend the airt. :)

DA, this is one of the most genteel resolutions to an online argument I have ever seen. :)

insisting on working when you are not realistically well enough to work, whether due to temporary illness or a flare-up in a chronic illness) is workaholic tendency, particularly ifyou are keeping your struggle secret from your employer. Putting a job ahead of your health is not good, for the worker or the job.

Are you someone who grew up more comfortably well off? Because working for a living despite illness/pain is a very common experience for most people in the world. You're basically choosing a bearable pain that you've figured out how to work through over the pain of starving to death or becoming homeless. It's a perfectly reasonable choice.

insisting on working when you are not realistically well enough to work, whether due to temporary illness or a flare-up in a chronic illness) is workaholic tendency

Just out of curiosity, how rich are your mommy and daddy, and are they ever planning on kicking your ass out of their basement?

AYRT - My health history isn't any of my employer's (or any employer's!!) business. I have absolutely no intention of disclosing that information because while it's illegal where I am to outright fire me because of it, I can definitely see my role in the company getting scaled back or my hours cut until I need to take another job to afford to live. I've seen it happen to other people and it's disgusting and unfair but it's a very real possibility. No matter how "nice" you think your boss is, they have bottom lines to meet and they're not going to prioritize you, your feelings or your needs above them.

I'm doing what I need to do to protect myself because I cannot currently afford not to have a job or to spend time job-searching and because I really like my job!

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