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PROMPT POST #3 - CLOSED

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+ All comments except fills should be posted anonymously.
+ All prompts should focus on TFA characters. You can't post OT or PT-only prompts.
+ One prompt per comment please.
+ You can request both kink and non-kink content
+ Crossovers, characters from the other media are allowed, but must relate to the 2015 movie in some way.
+ All prompt comments should begin with a pairing tag (eg Rey/Finn) or Gen for no pairing.
+ Use 'Any' when prompting for any pairing at all (eg Kylo/Any or Any/Any)
+ Anyone, everyone, no one? Use "Other." (e.g. Poe/Other)
+ Warn for common triggers, please
+ NO PROMPTS FEATURING CHARACTERS UNDER 18 IN SEXUAL SITUATIONS.
+ don't hijack other people's prompts.
+ prompts should not exceed ~250 words.
+ also, while this is not really a rule I can enforce, please try to limit yourselves to fewer than 5 prompts per page.
+ reposting prompts is currently not allowed.
+ no prompts based on real life tragic events. e.g: 9/11 au, concentration camp au, etc
+ PLAY NICE

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh gosh. Yesssss.

Oh my god. I never thought I'd be so in love with a fake dating scenario but this is beautiful.

This is great! I wonder how long they can keep their stories straight before they slip, or Kylo throws a tantrum :D

Oh, I did miss the first part! Thanks for letting me know :)

This is incredibly perfect. Sparring-turned-fucking is perfect for them, but you've really made something perfect here- the balance is spot on.

This is amazing! I love tantrum!Kylo but I also love competent!Kylo and it is lovely to get both.

OP here. This fill is a thing of beauty. Thank you ever so much. It's the perfect mix of cracky, hilarious and absolutely adorable. I love everyone so much - the crew with all of their different methods of shovel-talking are absolutely flawless and poor Kylo who just doesn't really question their behaviour anymore in the end. And Hux was so great as well!

Thanks again for this gem of a fill, dearest author!

OP, are you okay with him ultimately coming back to the resistance, or do you want him to leave permanently?

Well, that was an excellent piece of writing. It was exactly as messed up and psychologically fascinating as the premise promised. I loved Leia's pragmatism warring with her compassion. I also really enjoyed the physicality you used when describing Phasma and her body. Thanks for a great read, anon.

Ben might not be Poe “I can fly anything” Dameron, but once he gets a look at the TIE fighters controls he feels relatively confident that he can fly it without crashing. It comes to life under his fingers and a quick perusal of the onboard computer shows him that it has access to some of the main ship’s systems. He sets it downloading what information he can, stuff that hopefully won’t raise any flags but that might be of interest to the Senate (and his mother), while he runs pre-flight checks.

Almost immediately the comm beeps at him, but he ignores it; the crew he can see through the viewport seem unsurprised by a TIE fighter powering up and it will be harder to talk his way off the ship than it will be to just hurry up and leave.

The nav system loads and Ben stops breathing for a second, light headed with dread because according to the computer he’s on the other side of the kriffing galaxy from yesterday’s dirty little mistake of a cantina and the only explanations for how he could have gotten here without remembering the journey are terrifying.

The comm is beeping more urgently and Ben fumbles with the unfamiliar controls, tries to get it to stop because he needs to think and he can’t with the insistent noise. Finally it cuts off and Ben has a moment of relief before the holoprojector sputters on, the officer on the other end looking bored and grainy, obviously more interested in whatever is happening on her workstation than the TIE fighter, caught in the middle of saying “— is an unscheduled activation, please respond.”

Ben freezes up. He can bluff and lie with the best of them if he has time to prepare, but he’s never been particularly good at improvising on the fly and he doesn’t have enough information to make even a half-assed attempt now. Besides, all of this — the Stormtroopers, the TIE fighters, his inexplicable new location — has caught him up in a moment of despair and he feels incapable of action.

“I said,” the officer finally looks up, “this appears to be…uh.”

They stare at each other. The officer opens and closes her mouth a few times. In a surge of hysterical desperation Ben says “I’m taking this TIE fighter” with as much conviction as he can and clamps down on the urge to giggle when the officer nods jerkily.

“Of course,” she says, “my apologies.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Ben replies and disconnects the communication while the officer gapes at him.

The information download is incomplete, but Ben is taking what he has and getting out of here because he doubts his luck will hold much longer. It takes a nerve-wrenching moment to figure out how to release the docking mechanism, but then he’s free and shooting out into the welcoming void of space.

There doesn’t appear to be anyone following him but he makes sure to jump to hyperspace as soon as he’s clear.

“Oh no,” said Kylo Ren, watching his mother and Han Solo take their seats. “No, no.”

“No,” said Hux.

“Oh no,” said Rey.

“Hello?” said Finn, picking up his phone.

“What are they doing here?” Kylo growled. “What is this, a setup? A sting?”

Hux sighed. Finn slipped on some of the endive salad on his way out of the room.

“I can’t believe the nerve,” Kylo was saying. “SUR is mine. SUR is,” he reached for Hux’s hand again, “ours.”

“These gimlets are having a very weird effect on you,” said Rey.

“Ren and his mother have divided up most of LA,” Hux explained. “It’s like a custody agreement masterminded by Elbridge Gerry.”

“Who? No, why?”

“To avoid each other.”

“Right, why?” said Rey.

“I assume it has something to do his expulsion from Cate,” said Hux. “But I’m not about to gossip about my husband.”

Rey silently chopsticked the lime out of her drink with two cocktail straws.

Then Hux leaned forward. “But there were drugs involved,” he said, almost eagerly. “Or sex with a teacher. Or a really hard trigonometry class that his uncle taught, and he dropped out to avoid it.”

Rey thought back to all the times she’d watched Kylo use his phone to calculate a 20% gratuity. “I’m not sure which one I believe,” she said.

Kylo’s mother looked nothing like him. She had chestnut hair and a keen, interesting gaze that inhabited a middle space between Miranda Priestly and Glenn Close. She had excellent posture and laughed at something the waiter said when he brought her a glass of white wine. Kylo’s father was equally animated, straight-backed, and attractive. They looked happy and fun.

Next to Rey, Kylo was hunching over a crab cake and ignoring everyone.

“I know,” said Hux. “A lot of people are surprised when they learn he wasn’t raised by wolves.”

“I am right here,” said Kylo.

“Well, eat your crab cake.”

Kylo stabbed it instead.

“Petulant wolves,” said Hux. Three waiters had gathered around Kylo’s parents to listen to something delightful his mother was saying. Across the room, they attracted envious stares.

Finn came back, skirting the endive salad that still hadn’t been cleaned up.

“Wow,” he said. “Is that couple famous? Are they Mark Burnett and Roma Downey?”

“What?” said Rey. “No. They're Kylo’s parents.”

Finn stared at them. Then he looked at Kylo. “Jesus.”

“How did you miss this?”

“Phone,” said Finn. “My agent wants me to get this YouTube series that’s like, parodies of different sci-fi movies filmed in a Target.”

“…Wow,” said Rey.

“You’re jealous.”

Across the room, Kylo’s mother waved to him and lifted her glass. Kylo hunched closer around the crab cake. His mother lowered her glass, looking sad. Rey was very moved.

“Come to the bathroom and split a Xanax with me,” said Kylo, grabbing Hux’s wrist.

When they didn’t appear for forty-five minutes, Rey and Finn snuck out into the night.

The next morning, Hux looked remarkably bright-eyed and caffeinated for a man who had presumably woken up on the floor of the SUR men’s room after a night hazy with family issues, Xanax-fueled bathroom sex, and vodka gimlets with a faint diesel aftertaste.

He also looked very sinister, and the way he asked Rey to shut the office door behind her didn’t help.

“Outpost is a problem,” said Hux. “Every second that it stays on the market, it sinks closer to the sale value. Every second is made of money.”

“Well yeah,” said Rey, gesturing at the Arne Jacobsen clock on the wall with the sign under it that read, TIME IS MONEY.

“Money that we are losing.”

“Not really me, though,” said Rey. “Because you don’t pay me. Speaking of which, I don’t think anyone paid at the restaurant last night.”

“Don’t worry about that. I need you to make a call for me,” he said. “On your phone.”

“Uhm,” said Rey. “Is this espionage?”

“I’ll read you the number.”

The call went through on the second ring, and Hux took the phone from her before she could hear the tail end of a long, bleating growl.

“Chewbacca,” said Hux, on his way to the balcony. “I need to speak with Leia.”

That evening, Hux and Kylo’s home in Outpost burned to the ground. Hux ordered Chipotle with extra guacamole without a word of complaint.

“How did you get mixed up in this?” Leia asked Rey over iced horchata lattes at Terra Mia. She had responded to Rey's requests to meet on the third try.

Rey shrugged. “How does anyone get an internship these days? Kylo Ren hit me with his car while I was rollerblading. He offered me the job to apologize.”

“What is it you want to be doing?”

Rey shrugged. “I might get into investigating insurance fraud.”

Leia stiffened.

“I’m kidding,” said Rey.

Leia sipped her drink, and then turned her tablet around to face Rey.

STARKILLER DESTROYED, read the LAist headline.

The Beverly Hills property that may have killed Taylor Kitsch’s career burned to the ground last week under circumstances the real estate community considers “suspicious” and the Taylor Kitsch community considers “revenge.”

“I have to ask,” said Rey. “Did you do it?”

Leia shrugged. “No matter what,” she said. “I love my son. I can’t see him trapped in a multi-million dollar mansion he doesn’t want, no matter how poorly he decorated it.”

“So you burnt it down for the insurance payout?”

“An electrical short burnt it down,” said Leia. “That underground grid is notoriously faulty. Luckily, it was appraised earlier in the month. But they’ve already bought a new place in Stanley Hills, and Bravo greenlighted another season.”

“Hold on,” said Rey. "What?"

“Wow, they really edited us out of this,” said Finn, turning off the final episode of “’Til Escrow Do Us Part” with a sigh of disgust.

“No wonder we didn’t notice that the whole thing was a reality show,” Rey said. “We were just doing all the work in the background. I think I saw part of your elbow though.”

“Yeah,” said Finn, refreshing his IMDB page. “ Those assholes. I could have been on this. Instead of playing a Stormtrooper buying Target-brand soy milk in that Youtube thing.”

“I know,” said Rey. “They hit us with their cars, give us internships, now they’re hanging out with Andy Cohen and we’re just getting drunk on your couch.”

Finn sighed. “There were a lot of signs.”

Rey nodded. “Like, a lot of signs. The releases we signed.”

“I thought Poe was kidding when he talked about the show. But it turned out he was kidding about not vaping, and also he works for Kylo’s mom.”

Rey poured herself another glass of Ramona pinot grigio and clinked sloppily with Finn. "To Hux and Kylo," she said. "The worst angry married house flippers in LA."

thank you so much I've always wanted to earn that hand gesture <3

thank you so much! I really wanted to give Rey the opportunity to experience Peak Kylux.

OLDEST EXCUSE IN THE BOOK

(thank you!)

I love you more anon

the salad is part of a long history of collateral damage they have left in their wake.... including many, many other salads. thank you for reading <3

oh my god requester anon you are TOO generous. it makes my day 100% to see your comments <3

Millicent is ...unexplained.

I also know nothing about house flipping so THIS IS THE COMMENT FOR ME, anon, thank you so much.

Thank you! Doing that now!

...Only four? >_>;;;;

Don't look here on the meme, look here on AO3 instead!

http://archiveofourown.org/works/6122812/chapters/14033161

This is amazing! I'm just choking on my laughter here.

Just wondering what's your stance on podfics author!anon, because I need to record this.

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Page 192 of 220

PROMPT POST #3 - CLOSED

This post is closed to new prompts! Go here

Re: Minifill: Hux/Kylo Ren, Kylo accidently calls Hux “Tarkin” in bed

Re: Fill: Hux/Kylo Ren undying Fake Dating/married trope (2)

Re: Fill: Hux/Kylo Ren undying Fake Dating/married trope (2)

Re: Kylo, Ben and Matt - triplets AU, visiting the family, Crack 2/?

Re: FILL: Kylo/Hux - Playfighting

Re: Fill: Hux/Kylo Ren undying Fake Dating/married trope (2)

Re: Kylo/Hux, Kylo getting the shovel talk by the Finalizer crew

Re: Stormpilot(Jedi) - Finn leaves the Resistance.

Re: Fill: "When Eagles Fall Out (of the sky)" (3/3) Leia/Phasma, Phasma surrenders

FILL: Dancing Heel and Toe (gen, background Poe/Rey/Finn) 3/?

Fill: House Flippers AU [10/?]

Fill: House Flippers AU [11/12]

Fill: House Flippers AU [12/12]

Fill: House Flippers AU [EPILOGUE]

Re: Fill: House Flippers AU [9/?]

Re: Fill: House Flippers AU [9/?]

Re: Fill: House Flippers AU [9/?]

Re: Fill: House Flippers AU [9/?]

Re: Fill: House Flippers AU [9/?]

Re: Fill: House Flippers AU [9/?]

Re: Fill: House Flippers AU [9/?]

Re: Fill: House Flippers AU [9/?]

Re: NEW POST!

Fill: AO3 link

Re: FILL: Kylo/Hux - housewife Kylo part 2 / 2