“Oh no,” said Kylo Ren, watching his mother and Han Solo take their seats. “No, no.”
“No,” said Hux.
“Oh no,” said Rey.
“Hello?” said Finn, picking up his phone.
“What are they doing here?” Kylo growled. “What is this, a setup? A sting?”
Hux sighed. Finn slipped on some of the endive salad on his way out of the room.
“I can’t believe the nerve,” Kylo was saying. “SUR is mine. SUR is,” he reached for Hux’s hand again, “ours.”
“These gimlets are having a very weird effect on you,” said Rey.
“Ren and his mother have divided up most of LA,” Hux explained. “It’s like a custody agreement masterminded by Elbridge Gerry.”
“Who? No, why?”
“To avoid each other.”
“Right, why?” said Rey.
“I assume it has something to do his expulsion from Cate,” said Hux. “But I’m not about to gossip about my husband.”
Rey silently chopsticked the lime out of her drink with two cocktail straws.
Then Hux leaned forward. “But there were drugs involved,” he said, almost eagerly. “Or sex with a teacher. Or a really hard trigonometry class that his uncle taught, and he dropped out to avoid it.”
Rey thought back to all the times she’d watched Kylo use his phone to calculate a 20% gratuity. “I’m not sure which one I believe,” she said.
Kylo’s mother looked nothing like him. She had chestnut hair and a keen, interesting gaze that inhabited a middle space between Miranda Priestly and Glenn Close. She had excellent posture and laughed at something the waiter said when he brought her a glass of white wine. Kylo’s father was equally animated, straight-backed, and attractive. They looked happy and fun.
Next to Rey, Kylo was hunching over a crab cake and ignoring everyone.
“I know,” said Hux. “A lot of people are surprised when they learn he wasn’t raised by wolves.”
“I am right here,” said Kylo.
“Well, eat your crab cake.”
Kylo stabbed it instead.
“Petulant wolves,” said Hux. Three waiters had gathered around Kylo’s parents to listen to something delightful his mother was saying. Across the room, they attracted envious stares.
Finn came back, skirting the endive salad that still hadn’t been cleaned up.
“Wow,” he said. “Is that couple famous? Are they Mark Burnett and Roma Downey?”
“What?” said Rey. “No. They're Kylo’s parents.”
Finn stared at them. Then he looked at Kylo. “Jesus.”
“How did you miss this?”
“Phone,” said Finn. “My agent wants me to get this YouTube series that’s like, parodies of different sci-fi movies filmed in a Target.”
“…Wow,” said Rey.
“You’re jealous.”
Across the room, Kylo’s mother waved to him and lifted her glass. Kylo hunched closer around the crab cake. His mother lowered her glass, looking sad. Rey was very moved.
“Come to the bathroom and split a Xanax with me,” said Kylo, grabbing Hux’s wrist.
When they didn’t appear for forty-five minutes, Rey and Finn snuck out into the night.
Fill: House Flippers AU [10/?]
“No,” said Hux.
“Oh no,” said Rey.
“Hello?” said Finn, picking up his phone.
“What are they doing here?” Kylo growled. “What is this, a setup? A sting?”
Hux sighed. Finn slipped on some of the endive salad on his way out of the room.
“I can’t believe the nerve,” Kylo was saying. “SUR is mine. SUR is,” he reached for Hux’s hand again, “ours.”
“These gimlets are having a very weird effect on you,” said Rey.
“Ren and his mother have divided up most of LA,” Hux explained. “It’s like a custody agreement masterminded by Elbridge Gerry.”
“Who? No, why?”
“To avoid each other.”
“Right, why?” said Rey.
“I assume it has something to do his expulsion from Cate,” said Hux. “But I’m not about to gossip about my husband.”
Rey silently chopsticked the lime out of her drink with two cocktail straws.
Then Hux leaned forward. “But there were drugs involved,” he said, almost eagerly. “Or sex with a teacher. Or a really hard trigonometry class that his uncle taught, and he dropped out to avoid it.”
Rey thought back to all the times she’d watched Kylo use his phone to calculate a 20% gratuity. “I’m not sure which one I believe,” she said.
Kylo’s mother looked nothing like him. She had chestnut hair and a keen, interesting gaze that inhabited a middle space between Miranda Priestly and Glenn Close. She had excellent posture and laughed at something the waiter said when he brought her a glass of white wine. Kylo’s father was equally animated, straight-backed, and attractive. They looked happy and fun.
Next to Rey, Kylo was hunching over a crab cake and ignoring everyone.
“I know,” said Hux. “A lot of people are surprised when they learn he wasn’t raised by wolves.”
“I am right here,” said Kylo.
“Well, eat your crab cake.”
Kylo stabbed it instead.
“Petulant wolves,” said Hux. Three waiters had gathered around Kylo’s parents to listen to something delightful his mother was saying. Across the room, they attracted envious stares.
Finn came back, skirting the endive salad that still hadn’t been cleaned up.
“Wow,” he said. “Is that couple famous? Are they Mark Burnett and Roma Downey?”
“What?” said Rey. “No. They're Kylo’s parents.”
Finn stared at them. Then he looked at Kylo. “Jesus.”
“How did you miss this?”
“Phone,” said Finn. “My agent wants me to get this YouTube series that’s like, parodies of different sci-fi movies filmed in a Target.”
“…Wow,” said Rey.
“You’re jealous.”
Across the room, Kylo’s mother waved to him and lifted her glass. Kylo hunched closer around the crab cake. His mother lowered her glass, looking sad. Rey was very moved.
“Come to the bathroom and split a Xanax with me,” said Kylo, grabbing Hux’s wrist.
When they didn’t appear for forty-five minutes, Rey and Finn snuck out into the night.