I agree with you re: wondering who end up being so insistent on the top/bottom dynamic.
I think some of it is youth, some of it is being straight and having bought into hetero-patriarchial norms, and some of it is not having had sex.
Like, my standards for sex scenes went waaaaay up once I started having sex. I also found I appreciated non penetrative sex scenes way more because I was aware of how intimate those things could be. And that you can have that intimacy without PinV or PinA sex.
I became more aware of the heteronormativity in fic through a lot of self education about queer issues because a number of my friends identify that way, and I didn't want to be that person, you know? I didn't want to just say ignorant things that made them uncomfortable. So if you don't know any queer people IRL, like, there's this weird fetishization of queer relationships that doesn't mirror what they're like in real life.
Like prioritizing penetration above all else is very erasing to ladies who only date ladies, (presuming both ladies are cis, but even if there is a trans lady in the relationship there's no guarantee she's going to be into penetrating her partner, you know?)
And that knowledge acquisition and the self awareness of my own heterosexual biases came with age, and experience.
Obviously not everyone is going to have the same experiences, but I found myself shifting away from the clearly delineated top/bottom and over prioritization of penetrative sex because I grew up, was aware of my subjective biases, and started having sex instead of just reading about it.
On a related note, have you also found so so so many a/o/b fic are like subtly (or not subtly) misogynistic in the way omega's are portrayed, as well as heteronormative with no idea of what consent actually looks like?
I don't want to kink shame, it's not the idea of the a/o/b dynamics I don't like per se. It's just how most fic like that are executed.
Re: Favorite and Least Favorite Tropes and Headcanons
I think some of it is youth, some of it is being straight and having bought into hetero-patriarchial norms, and some of it is not having had sex.
Like, my standards for sex scenes went waaaaay up once I started having sex. I also found I appreciated non penetrative sex scenes way more because I was aware of how intimate those things could be. And that you can have that intimacy without PinV or PinA sex.
I became more aware of the heteronormativity in fic through a lot of self education about queer issues because a number of my friends identify that way, and I didn't want to be that person, you know? I didn't want to just say ignorant things that made them uncomfortable. So if you don't know any queer people IRL, like, there's this weird fetishization of queer relationships that doesn't mirror what they're like in real life.
Like prioritizing penetration above all else is very erasing to ladies who only date ladies, (presuming both ladies are cis, but even if there is a trans lady in the relationship there's no guarantee she's going to be into penetrating her partner, you know?)
And that knowledge acquisition and the self awareness of my own heterosexual biases came with age, and experience.
Obviously not everyone is going to have the same experiences, but I found myself shifting away from the clearly delineated top/bottom and over prioritization of penetrative sex because I grew up, was aware of my subjective biases, and started having sex instead of just reading about it.
On a related note, have you also found so so so many a/o/b fic are like subtly (or not subtly) misogynistic in the way omega's are portrayed, as well as heteronormative with no idea of what consent actually looks like?
I don't want to kink shame, it's not the idea of the a/o/b dynamics I don't like per se. It's just how most fic like that are executed.