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"Come to the Dark Side, we have cookies." Because it turns out, powering the dark side burns a LOT of calories. Cookies are actually a necessity , and really help when suffering from blood loss.
So obviously, rage-machine-with-a-murder-boner Kylo Ren has to carry a baggy of cookies with him everywhere he goes.

HARD MODE: Ren actually HATES the cookies he has to eat - he's on a strict athletic diet (abs don't shred themselves), so the cookies are more like overly-sweet vitamin disks...

The real purpose of those flowing robes - concealing pockets full of cookies.

Instant headcanon.

General Hux was beyond frustrated. Ever since Kylo Ren had returned to the Finalizer after training with the Supreme Leader, he was constantly eating cookies. After hours in the mess hall, eating cookies. Walking down the bridge, eating cookies. After sparring with Phasma, eating cookies. WHILE he was sparring with Phasma, EATING KRIFFING COOKIES!

"Kylo Ren, I have had it with your insubordination!"

Ren stopped walking, and turned around just as he took a bite out of yet another cookie from the now half-empty bag in his hand.

"Just what are you going on about this time, Hux. I haven't done anything but train since the day I returned."

"No, you haven't done anything besides eat those blasted cookies!" He snatched the bag. "I run a tight ship, Ren. Snacking between scheduled meals is not permitted. Not for the Stormtroopers, not for the officers, and you are not an exception!"

"Hux, I need those for my training!"

"Your training." He mocked, poking the Knight in the stomach. To his surprise, it was still firm. With the unholy amount of cookies Ren had been eating, he genuinely expected a bit of pudge by this point.

"Yes, my training!" Ren batted the General's hand away. "The Dark Side of the Force..."

"Is no excuse for breaking protocol! I don't know how you smuggled all those boxes into your quarters, but I'm sending a cleaning droid to dispose of them today! If you want to stuff yourself like a kriffing Hutt, do it somewhere else. As long as you're on my ship, you follow my rules!"

"Hux, you don't understand!!" Ren protested, but the General's word was final.

"No more cookies!!"

Hux felt particularly proud of himself as he watched Ren storm away. He'd destroy a training droid or three with his lightsaber, but it would be a small price to pay in the name of discipline - something that irritating Knight of Ren needed to learn.

The next few days were refreshing. The cookies were gone, and all Ren could do was stalk the ship with a sullen pout. It was already obvious that violent outbursts were getting him nowhere. The petty display of cutting his daily training sessions by ten minutes to be first in line at the mess hall didn't make Hux change his mind either. Nor did the ravenous way he shoveled down his meals.

After nearly a week since he successfully stripped Ren of his contraband treats, he received a message from Captain Phasma during her joint practice with the Knight.

"General Hux, I need you in training bay nine. It's Commander Ren."

Just hearing the man's name elicited an exasperated sigh. He glared at the three dozen or more boxes of cookies that were now stacked floor to ceiling in his office. "Don't tell me, he's got another kriffing bag of cookies..."

"Actually, no, sir. But I think you should bring him one." Phasma replied, concerned. "You do still have what you confiscated from his quarters, don't you?"

"Are you out of your mind?!" He shouted into his comlink. "Why on Coruscant would I want to..."

"He passed out in the middle of practice. Collapsed right into my arms." She reported. "General, you really need to get down here..."

He rubbed the frustration from his face. "All right, Captain. I'm on my way."

He opened one of the boxes, pulling out a bag of Ren's treasured cookies. He wasn't necessarily intending to give it to him, but Captain Phasma's worried voice made him at least bring one with him.

When he arrived, he found the Captain on the floor with the barely conscious Knight in her lap. She'd taken some of his layers off in an earlier attempt to help him get some air, so there was nothing hiding the surprising condition of Ren's body.

"What the hell?!" General Hux knelt down next to them. The sullen face he'd seen just a few days earlier was almost gaunt. He poked Ren in the stomach just like before and felt the edge of his ribs. He could even see them moving with the Knight's labored breaths.

"I don't know, Sir..." Phasma confessed. Aside from the six months Kylo Ren had been training with the Supreme Leader, they'd sparred with each other once, maybe twice a week. They'd thrown each other around enough times to get a good feel of what the other's body was like. "You'd have be starving in the harshest labor camp to lose the amount of weight Commander Ren has this week."

"Starving? Labor camp?" Hux was floored. "Impossible... He receives the same nutrient-dense portions as the active Stormtroopers. And believe me, I've watched him eat it all in five minutes flat."

His gaze drifted to the cookies he'd dropped beside him. Had he really been burning through bags of these things every day just to avoid wasting away? Because of the Dark Side? What kind of training was that kriffing intense?! He could still hear Ren arguing with him.

'I need those for my training. The Dark Side of the Force... You don't understand!'

It appeared he didn't understand after all.

"...Sir?"

"You insufferable brat..." He growled, opening the bag of cookies. He gestured to Phasma to help sit Ren up and he slid one under his nose. The combination roused him enough that he opened his eyes. "All right. You win, do you hear me? You can have your kriffing cookies."

Hee! <3

YAY!

OP is here, and is so, so happy with this fill! It's just what I was hoping for! Thank you!

PROMPT POST #5 - CLOSED

This post is closed to new prompts!

Gen, Kylo Ren, We Have Cookies

Re: Gen, Kylo Ren, We Have Cookies

Re: Gen, Kylo Ren, We Have Cookies

FILL: Those Kriffing Cookies!

Re: FILL: Those Kriffing Cookies!

Re: FILL: Those Kriffing Cookies!

Re: FILL: Those Kriffing Cookies!