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I'm imagining the twelve ancient blood oaths Kylo probably had to swear in exchange for Phasma's cape. It's dry-clean only, Ren!

okay, tense changes got me here...but it'll be fixed in post-production.

*

When the door to Phasma's quarters opened of its own accord and revealed a masked Kylo Ren, her first thought was, Well, it's been a good life. In armor, she might have stood a chance against the man. In her syncloth exercise bra and shorts, her only real hope in battle would be that he'd slip and fall on his own saber.

"Captain Phasma." Lord Ren cradled a bundle of something black to his chest. "I require your assistance."

"You do?" Phasma blinked. "Is that...the helmet?" She couldn't help reaching out towards it.

"It is not Lord Vader's helmet." Ren swept past her and dumped the bundle on her cot. "General Hux has demanded formal wear for the awards ceremony. Which of these garments do you think might suit me?"

Phasma squared her shoulders and began to sort through the clothes. If Lord Ren needed her help, by stars, he'd get it. Captain Jescha Phasma did not shrink from any challenge. "Don't the Knights of Ren have formal robes or something?"

"We only have our combat robes. They remind others of our true role as warriors. Not as ornaments." Ren actually fidgets, his shoulders slumping. "But this is not sufficient for the General."

Phasma makes sure her face is safely turned away from Ren before she lets herself raise her eyebrows. Since when has Ren cared about the General's orders? "So you want something...flattering?"

Ren looms over her shoulder and picks up a gaudy, ridiculous jacket. "I thought this would be sufficiently formal, but I'm not sure it goes with the Crosh-hide leather pants."

"These?" Phasma picks up a pair of ridiculously skinny pants.

"They stretch."

"I see." Phasma bites her lip, staring at the pile. "Try them on together."

When Ren steps out of the 'fresher, Phasma nearly slaps herself to keep a straight face. "Sir, I believe the jacket should be buttoned up all the way. For regulations." Who knew the man had chest hair under all those robes?

"Of course." Ren complies, then strides into the 'fresher to look at himself in the mirror. His mask turns this way and that, considering himself from all angles. "I think it suits me."

Phasma's personal opinion is that Ren looks like the bassist of a Dusk band and that there's not much point in hiding your face if you're not going to wear foundation under extremely tight Crosh-hide pants, but any fool could see that Ren doesn't want to hear that. "I'm sure it will meet with General Hux's approval."

"I do not care about her opinion," Ren snaps. "I would rather not hear her harangue me over such a small matter. That is all."

"Naturally." Phasma sifts through the rest of Ren's civilian wear. "Apparel can be an asset in certain situations, of course. My cape, for example--"

"A cape. I will require one, of course."

Phasma stays absolutely silent.

"Phasma. I will require your cape."

Phasma swears, very loudly, in her head.

"This is not a request, Phasma."

"It is my personal property, Lord Ren. And it is vintage. I spent much time and many credits tracking down an authentic Imperial commandant's cape."

"I appreciate your efforts, Captain. You will give the cape to me." Ren stretches his arm towards her, hand curling into a warning fist.

Phasma crosses her arms. "Tell me why you want it."

"I have already informed you of the reason. I am attempting to comply with General Hux's request for--"

"Do not deceive me, Lord Ren." Phasma takes a deep breath. "It is my sworn duty to assist you in any endeavor you command. But in order to fulfill my duty to the utmost of my ability, I need clear and complete information."

Ren's shoulders slump. Phasma waits. After a few moments, he mutters, "The cape will not be required."

"I see." Phasma goes to her wardrobe and takes down the cape. She smooths a hand over it. The material is impressive, made by an Alderaanian clan that--obviously--does not exist anymore. It's as smooth as leather, light and maneuverable but so tightly woven that it's practically waterproof and nearly fireproof. It's saved her life more times than she's bothered to count.

She holds it up to Ren's body. "It should fit."

"Do not mock me." Ren turns to the bed and begins to gather up his clothes.

"I will lend it to you--lend--on three conditions." Phasma holds up three fingers. "Three very solemn conditions."

Ren turns back around. "Proceed."

"First: You give it back to me the moment you put your robes back on. Sooner, if possible."

"Acceptable. It's only necessary for the ceremony."

"Second: You will not so much as spill a glass of wine on it."

"I do not drink wine."

"Not a stain. Not a tear. Not a burn. Nothing."

"You have my word."

"I want your oath."

"For a cape? A Knight of Ren swears an oath only to his brethren and sistren."

"The third condition," Phasma says, "is that if General Hux does not react in quite the way you'd like her to, you will not blame me or the cape." She shoves the cape at Ren. "The cape does not fail. It can only be failed."

Ren takes the cape at last. He holds it out as gently as Phasma's ever seen him to anything, letting it billow between them. "I will not fail the cape."

"Swear it."

"I swear an oath on my strength, my passion, and the beauty of my inner darkness." Ren drapes the cape over his arm and clenches his fist. "I will not fail the cape!"

"Yes!" Phasma agrees. "Louder!"

"I will not fail the cape!" Ren roars.

Phasma pumps her fist in the air. "Let me hear you, Kylo Ren!"

"The General will like what she sees!" Ren howls.

"Good! Now get out of my quarters."

(ayrt) OH MY GOD

Thank you for this unexpected, hilarious, fashion-oath cape crack! I'm going to pretend this is like Phasma's hyped version of events that she embellishes a little more each time she tells it, i.e. anytime someone asks about her cape. True power comes from vintage threads.

Phasma's personal opinion is that Ren looks like the bassist of a Dusk band

AN UNSUCCESSFUL DUSK BAND. WITH A TERRIBLE BASSIST. AND DARTH VADER'S HELMET ON DRUMS.

Eee I'm glad you liked it! :D It was fun to write.

True power comes from vintage threads.
IT IS SO VERY TRUE.

PROMPT POST #3 - CLOSED

This post is closed to new prompts! Go here

Re: Fill: Colder Than the Moon (3/?), Kylo/Fem!Hux, Hux/M!OC

BONUS EXTRA Fill: Colder Than the Moon (3/?), Kylo/Fem!Hux, Hux/M!OC

Re: BONUS EXTRA Fill: Colder Than the Moon (3/?), Kylo/Fem!Hux, Hux/M!OC

Re: BONUS EXTRA Fill: Colder Than the Moon (3/?), Kylo/Fem!Hux, Hux/M!OC