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PROMPT POST #3 - CLOSED

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+ All comments except fills should be posted anonymously.
+ All prompts should focus on TFA characters. You can't post OT or PT-only prompts.
+ One prompt per comment please.
+ You can request both kink and non-kink content
+ Crossovers, characters from the other media are allowed, but must relate to the 2015 movie in some way.
+ All prompt comments should begin with a pairing tag (eg Rey/Finn) or Gen for no pairing.
+ Use 'Any' when prompting for any pairing at all (eg Kylo/Any or Any/Any)
+ Anyone, everyone, no one? Use "Other." (e.g. Poe/Other)
+ Warn for common triggers, please
+ NO PROMPTS FEATURING CHARACTERS UNDER 18 IN SEXUAL SITUATIONS.
+ don't hijack other people's prompts.
+ prompts should not exceed ~250 words.
+ also, while this is not really a rule I can enforce, please try to limit yourselves to fewer than 5 prompts per page.
+ reposting prompts is currently not allowed.
+ no prompts based on real life tragic events. e.g: 9/11 au, concentration camp au, etc
+ PLAY NICE

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Hux secretly writes a romance novel about himself and Kylo Ren.

...the Knight of Ren stood before the General, stripped now of his cape and helmet, merely a man.

'Hux,' he said in a soft whisper that traveled down the spine of the older but far more vulnerable man, 'I cannot hide it anymore, I need you like the Republic needs order. I need you like the Force needs the dark side, like the Resistance need to be wiped from the face of the galaxy...'

'Gasp!,' said Hux.

Hux stopped there, saving the text in his datapad and locking it under a series of passwords for safety. He wiped furiously at his eyes. It was undignified, but he was such a good writer that he couldn't help but move himself sometimes.

Phasma cleared her throat from the corner of the doorway, where she was standing. "General, we have been looking for you. We need you at the meeting with Ren, sir."

"I'll be right down, Captain. Thank you for letting me know," he nodded curtly and put his datapad away. Surely Phasma hadn't seen anything. One more of those interruptions and he'd have to write her into a voyeur scene.

lol poor Hux, burdened by so much talent it makes him emote in public

yo I would for real subscribe to all of Hux's purple prose

EVIL FLORRID SPACE BODICE-RIPPERS 4 LYFE

Predictably, the meeting had been a mess. Kylo Ren knew nothing about the specific requirements of slow and thorough preparation for a successful launch and just wanted to smash things as they came at him.

"I don't see why we are holding back still, haven't we waited enough?," the flesh and bone Ren had said as he tightened his hold around the throat of an innocent official. The one made of words had his hands tangled in Hux's hair.

'We have been holding back on this, hiding our ~~need~~ ~~hunger~~ impetus and pacing ourselves. And for what?' Kylo's big brown eyes searched desperately into the space-turquoise eyes of his beloved, but Hux would not budge just yet.

'Our love shall be consummated, my Dark Knight. It is all I desire but it isn't time yet.' He prayed to the Maker that he would listen. His own strength was being tested, he wouldn't be able to deny himself much longer.

Hux came from a very traditional family, the unbridled passion that the Force sensitive (and would he be forceful? would he be sensitive?) man before him awoke in him was unprecedented. Hux would have never believed something like this could be felt... not in his heart, not in his loins.

Hux sighed deeply, he skipped a few scenes that he would write later but he didn't want to forget the words that came out of his would-be-lover's mouth and that fit so perfectly.

"Goodnight, Millicent," he said, smiling gently at her, who gave him one icy look before going back to licking her butt. She was a Lieutenant in his novel.

The self-inserts, the cheesiness, the fact that Hux writes fanfic the same ways as me is the perfect combination of factors. I can't wait for the next part!

I was wondering where Millicent was in this fine crack! LOL

*happily crosses off loins and millicent on my Crack Masterpiece bingo card*

This is GOLD!

*joins you in LOLing over 'loins'* It's one of those words that BELONGS in crack like this <3

Oh wow, thank you so much for all the comments! I didn't expect them :) I'm super appreciative you like! Sorry it took ages to post more! Hope it's still fun

~~~~

Phasma didn't often take off her helmet, but she did this time.

"I'm sorry, I think I didn't hear properly. Come again?" the look of absolute bafflement almost made him backtrack but he figured it would be weirder to pretend he hadn't said what he had, at least if he was firm he would be able to pretend this was a sensible request.

"Measurements, of our soldiers, and the Knights of Ren." He tried to keep his firm and professional demeanor, ignoring the way he could feel the heat rising to the tips of his ears.

"Uh... we don't have them but... I could obtain them. If needed. What for?" Oh. He really should've planned ahead. He didn't think she would question him but it made sense for her to at least wonder where the request had come from.

"The research team. We're running numbers to design the ideal soldier. We're trying to see if penile girth and length has any... relevance with regards to... efficiency..." his mouth was dry, all fluid having left his insides and pouring out from his forehead in thick embarrassing drops. He wiped himself with his handkerchief.

"A majority of our best soldiers are women," she stated matter of factly, she truly didn't take kindly when her gender was overlooked.

"Precisely, we... want to see if... smaller or non-existent p-penises are..."

She cut him off, "Some of our best women soldiers were born with or currently have penises of varying sizes, this is objectifying, degrading, and the sort of bigotry that should not exist in an organization such as ours!"

Oh, he hated when she raised her voice. He was pretty sure her voice alone was strong enough to snap him in half like a twig. "I'm sorry, Phasma. I don't mean-- I just..."

He was at a loss for words, she was so rightfully angry. He should have probably just gone with his first plan and searched for numbers on what was considered 'well-endowed' on the holonet. But the higher-ups could see your search history (to prevent treason) and he really thought they'd have numbers on this. They practically recorded every breath, minute of sleep and bowel movement of everyone on base. They had measures of every body part to provide armor... he figured it was a natural thing since their protective crotch armor was so aptly built.

He had been fidgeting for a good minute or so and he was so embarrassed he considered defecting until he saw Phasma's face, much softer than before. "Are you gay, sir?"

"M-me? What? Phasma! I- well, perhaps!!!" He knew exactly where to find a pod and what planet to go to. It had been a good life.

"Hux, don't be insecure. I'm sure your penis is a perfectly satisfactory size. You don't have to compare yourself to the other guys, I'm sure your man will like it." What on the galaxy? "Whoever your man is," she finished with a wink.

Hux's arms felt longer than usual, reaching well below his knees in absolute vulnerable defeat. She was so kind to him. "Thanks, Phasma."

An awkward silence landed over them like a thick slime blanket and stayed there, Phasma too merciful to move and Hux to defeated to. At last he gave in and asked directly, "What does well-endowed entail, Phasma?"

She burst out laughing, and Hux would've crumbled into sand had she not looked so fond of him. "Oh, Hux, well, in reality that can be anything beyond 7 inches or so. People like to exaggerate though."

He managed to bite his lip right on time before asking how she was so knowledgeable and just nodded a thank you before scurrying back to his quarters. He'd send her a fine box of Tauntaun jerky for her troubles later. For now, he needed to finish his chapter

...the well-endowed Knight stood before the General fully bare now. Sweat glistened on his breast and down his abdomen, a trail of fine hair leading below where dark curls nestled at the base of his eleven-inch manhood.

'Take me,' Hux whimpered, and whatever he tried to say after was swallowed by the younger man in a desperate kiss.

Oh Hux, could you be more awkward?

I'm hoping the answer is "yes, always"

Lmao this is everything

Eleven inches!?? jfc Hux. lol I bet his self-insert calls it a "nether-saber" at one point.

His dick is basically a foot.

I read that the wrong way and laughed like an idiot for a whole goddamn minute.

Still, it could qualify as a nether-wakizashi.

Wouldn't it need to have a sharp edge?

I'd have to ask Phasma, she's the expert around here.

ELEVEN. OH HUX. Phasma, you're gonna hafta field this one again. I just can't.
Btw I love how it's become fanon that the First Order is the most accepting / least discriminating organization in the galaxy.

Oh my lord this is amazing. I love you for writing this :D

lol Hux would soooo write secret harlequin romances. I love this!

"It was undignified, but he was such a good writer that he couldn't help but move himself sometimes."

That's when a campfire sprung up from the ground and I started toasting marshmellows. Excellent start.

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PROMPT POST #3 - CLOSED

This post is closed to new prompts! Go here

Kylo/Hux - one sided, humour

[FILL] Kylo/Hux - one sided, humour 1/?

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