You keep doing the things that helped and continue to help you survive, I suppose. When I was a kid, it was my primary means to make sense of myself and the world around me. Now that I am older, but still alone, empty and estranged, it has become some sort of bittersweet consolation. While it's definitely not ideal, there are only so many spoons* I have available to take care of myself and they're mostly spent dealing with real life issues.

*referring to the The Spoon Theory