I do think a lot of it is ignorance. I only really noticed it once I started dating women and people would wonder or ask me "who's the top?" which is insulting in so many ways. No one ever wonders about that when I'm dating a man because it's assumed that my gender makes me the more submissive partner. Or, no one asks about my sex life when I'm with a man but if I'm dating a woman it's all "how does sex work?", as if their curiosity gives them the right to ask such personal questions.
There's definitely a fetishization of queer relationships. I love that fandom explores different sexualities and genders, but a lot of the time it comes off as fetishizing or trying to prove a point.
Also, yes, my standards for sex in fics went way up once I started having sex. I tend to skim over most sex scenes in longer, plotty fics and I ignore any fics that call out bottom!characterA entirely.
Regarding a/b/o, yes, I have noticed that. Even when the trope is subverted, there's still a lot of that misogyny and heteronormativity there. But what bothers me the most with that trope is the focus on pregnancy and how important it is and how people who give life are treasured and sought after. As someone who is infertile, the few fics I read where "betas" are sort of thrown off to the side or considered unimportant because they can't get pregnant were like a knife to the gut. Infertility is rarely discussed in society and infertile people are already looked at as biologically broken or wrong, so seeing that in fandom, mostly written unintentionally, was infuriating and heartbreaking.
I don't want to kink shame a/b/o users, but there's definitely some internalized issues in the trope and the way people write it, and I think a good deal comes from not recognizing their own biases or ignorance.
Re: Favorite and Least Favorite Tropes and Headcanons
There's definitely a fetishization of queer relationships. I love that fandom explores different sexualities and genders, but a lot of the time it comes off as fetishizing or trying to prove a point.
Also, yes, my standards for sex in fics went way up once I started having sex. I tend to skim over most sex scenes in longer, plotty fics and I ignore any fics that call out bottom!characterA entirely.
Regarding a/b/o, yes, I have noticed that. Even when the trope is subverted, there's still a lot of that misogyny and heteronormativity there. But what bothers me the most with that trope is the focus on pregnancy and how important it is and how people who give life are treasured and sought after. As someone who is infertile, the few fics I read where "betas" are sort of thrown off to the side or considered unimportant because they can't get pregnant were like a knife to the gut. Infertility is rarely discussed in society and infertile people are already looked at as biologically broken or wrong, so seeing that in fandom, mostly written unintentionally, was infuriating and heartbreaking.
I don't want to kink shame a/b/o users, but there's definitely some internalized issues in the trope and the way people write it, and I think a good deal comes from not recognizing their own biases or ignorance.