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PROMPT POST #3 - CLOSED

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Smoked too much weed and got excited about the idea of someone trying to mind read Google Deep Dream, so, uh, here is something:

Something was wrong with General Hux. Ren had certain expectations about the minds of military men: keen edges and sharp organization, orderly consciousnesses underpinned by well-repressed manifestations of sentimentality or pedestrian depravities. Even the best of the Knights of Rens' tacticians shared a keen sense of observation and a certain personal distance, quite in line with Hux's demeanor.

But inside his head, Hux was more an acid trip than an orderly file cabinet.

No matter how focused he was on a task, underneath his sense of himself he played a constant game of free association, utterly arbitrary in both its connections and emphases.

While he engaged with the slow grind of bureaucracy, he could simultaneously experience a kind of waking dream in which certain words or phrases triggered vast shifts in his consciousness. The face of someone speaking might initiate a waterfall of images of that face, from previous meetings and various angles, creating a kind of mega-composite that was both more and less accurate a representation than the actual person in front of him.

Shows of emotions—Hux's were apparently limited to: displeasure, impatience, outrage, apprehension—were quite divorced from his mental state, and it was only by mistake that Ren realized they were triggered as much by other people's attitudes as by the words they actually said. His own anger and casual disregard for Hux's rules frequently produced outrage; visible cringing caused impatience; generally only Snoke was capable of producing apprehension. ("Displeased" seemed his default mode.)

Once, returning to the Finalizer exhausted after an embarrassing failure, Ren had lacked the energy even to respond to Hux's inquiries with his usual scorn, and had said in a flat voice:

"I failed. They're blocking our sensors, and the Force was inadequate compensation."

And instead of Hux's usual lemon-sucking contempt, Ren's neutrality had been met in kind. "Yes," Hux said simply. "I'll see what our engineers can do."

Further experiment had yielded similar results: Hux's emotional responses had to be triggered by specific stimuli or they failed to appear.

"Like a goddamned lab rat," Ren had muttered to himself. "Learning the rules without understanding them."

Like a machine teaching itself to think.

And once he'd had the idea, it was impossible to let go.

The massive computer systems that ran the Finalizer had in no way achieved sentience, but there was a thrum that still represented them in the Force, their sheer power rendering them real. Doids registered more as insects; simplistic and predictable in their motivations and actions. There was not so much a mind to read as a flowchart of limited possibilities. Hux was not an insect, nor a noise, nor a flowchart. And yet there was something of all of those things in him, magnified until it could achieve some approximation of human complexity.

Ren confronted Snoke after a meeting where he'd been in clear favor and Hux, suffering serious construction setbacks, was dismissed early.

"The General isn't..." he said slowly.

"You certainly aren't about to make excuses on his behalf," Snoke said, a slow smile curling his outsized face. The Supreme Leader did this occasionally, making non-sequiturs that were either a sign of senility or of such a deep connection to the Force that he was responding to eddies and currents beyond Ren's ability even to perceive.

"The General isn't a human being," Ren said finally.

Snoke's smile now was as close to sincere as it ever appeared. "Have you only just noticed?"

"I felt an... absence." Ren hesitated, then decided he was merely flattering himself that Snoke wasn't already intimate with his every worst idea. "I thought he was merely a sociopath, or perhaps that he had some limited abilities to shield himself from the Force."

"I suppose both of these things are true, in their way. Hux is an experiment that's succeeded quite beyond what we dared to hope."

Ren waited, but Snoke offered no additional details.

"I shouldn't think it would matter what Hux is," Snoke added, "except to your pride."

But somehow the opposite was true: Ren could see his own outbursts now as a symptom of his essential humanity rather than an inability to control himself.

#

Ren waited until this knowledge had settled in, probing at Hux's "mind" more freely now that he knew the man—droid?—was incapable of discerning these intrusions. What finally drew him to Hux's quarters was wondering whether it slept, or pretended to sleep.

The General answered its door in full uniform, with none of the disarray or exhaustion Ren might have expected from a human being interrupted in the middle of the night. It raised one eyebrow but said nothing, and after a moment stepped aside to let Ren into its rooms.

"Snoke told me what you are," Ren said, when the door slid closed behind him.

Hux blinked.

Ren waited for a denial.

As he waited he realized that Hux blinked at exact intervals.

"Now that I know to look for it," said Ren, "I can't believe it isn't common knowledge."

Hux sat down at the desk, posture perfect. "I believe it would be poor for morale, for the Stormtroopers to realize that their military commands were shaped by algorithms rather than..." it paused, pursing its lips, and as an expression of slight distaste came over its face, Ren had to consider the possibility that Hux was capable of spontaneous emotional displays after all. "...the random neural impulses that your kind value so highly."

Ren drifted towards him, looming slightly. "And you aren't afraid of what I could do with this knowledge?"

Hux waved him away with one hand. "I represent a great deal of time and resources expended on Snoke's personal orders. You aren't in a position to threaten me without bringing devastating reprisals down on yourself."

Ren leaned down towards it, bringing his mask quite close to Hux's face. It was not lost on him that, to a casual observer, he would appear the more artificial of the two. "And you think I'm a man afraid of reprisals?"

"I think the Dark Side is composed of fear and anger and hate, and that it is the former of these emotions that has provided your personal impetus in pursuing the latter two."

Ren stepped back. It was the blank affect with which they were delivered as much as the words themselves that undid him.

"Of course, I will continue to publicly denigrate your powers as a Force user," Hux continued, in the same neutral voice. "It gives you ample opportunity to demonstrate the Force before troops who might be otherwise inclined to doubt, and Snoke has found you a more effective public figure when you have a foil against whom to rail."

"A fucking droid to rail against," Ren snapped out.

"I've found that word inadequate to convey my capabilities."

Ren was almost too irritated to ask, but of course he hadn't become the person he had by denying his own impulse. "All right," he said softly. "What word do you use?"

And the slight smile that broke across Hux's face looked terribly human. "I prefer the word 'General.'"

The title of this fic is also my favorite underused tag on AO3

bless your soul for this, this was spectacular, funny, and even if not full on porn, deliciously kinky

Thank you <3 <3 <3

Aaaaahhhhhhh I really, really love droid!Hux. I find the way you've represented his thought processes absolutely fascinating.

Man, I sorta want dark!Lucas

Right here with you going to hell.

Ren: http://i.imgur.com/BBomDE0.png

Hux: http://i.imgur.com/oVjHAWh.png

Btw, "Grantchester" is a great source for all your ginger vicar needs.

microwave!anon

I was thinking space Lipton, but that's because I am a Filthy American(tm). When Ren is feeling particularly vengeful, he uses space Sweet & Low instead of real sugar.

tea wank or bust, bruv

This is beautiful. Thank you, anon.

Tea snob!Hux is so right up my alley that I couldn't resist. I used to talk to a friend about how we imagined Hux having snobbish tea break at Starkiller and on the Finalizer all the time, so... yeah.
All mentioned tea varieties exist in the Star Wars universe, I just made up the brands/blends etc. and the way you prepare and drink them. Hope you like it!

A drop of Dianogan tea

In the silence of his quarters, General Hux thoughtfully surveys the selection laid out before him on the small counter. He has, so far, narrowed his choices down to an acceptable number and is now pondering over the remaining tins.

After short consideration, he places the box that holds his stash of Manellan Jasper (Platinum Standard) back in the cupboard above the counter. His supply of this particular brand - premium grade and dreadfully expensive - is running low and who knows when he will get his hands on a replacement? Better to save it for a special occasion (like the completion of Starkiller Base - that sounds like the proper time for a high class cup of Manellan Jasper, maybe even followed by the Zsajhira Berries Tea(Limited Edition Red Label) he had received as a gift after his promotion to General. Not just any situation calls for such luxury, but that, Hux decides, would be the right one.).

Shaking himself out of his reverie and turning his attention back to his selection, he moves another tin.
As much as he enjoys the occasional cup of H'Kak, he still has work to do and the blend he owns is just a little too effective at calming the mind. He just reaches out to inspect another one of the precisely labelled boxes when he hears the chime of the door to his rooms.
He frowns. His crew knows better to disturb him during his tea break, so this is either an emergency or... he moves over to the door and deactivates the lock.

As expected, there is Ren in front of his quarters. Hux reminds himself that the sooner he gets this over with, the sooner he can go back to his break and nods curtly.

"Lord Ren. To what do I owe the questionable pleasure?"

The mask is unreadable, as always, but from Ren's body language, Hux deduces he is not exactly pleased to be here, either.

"I am supposed to go over the orders we received from Supreme Leader Snoke with you. He was insistent that we need to avoid... future misunderstandings."

Hux scoffs.

"If by 'misunderstandings' you mean yourself deviating from the plan and then threatening my Troopers when they don't do what you think they should-"

"If your men had any sense at all they'd-"

Hux waves him off.

"I am not discussing this with you now, Ren, we've gone over it. What is it that you think we need to talk about concerning the next mission?"

Hux sees his preciously short break ticking away and decides, damn this, if he has to talk to Ren it might as well be over a cup of tea. Suddenly, the H'Kak does not sound like such a bad choice after all, he'll need all the calming of his nerves he can get before this "talk" is over.

"And don't just stand there. If we have to talk, you might as well come in."

He turns and walks back over to his tea supplies, expecting Ren to do the sensible thing and follow. Gritting his teeth, he realises that he will have to offer his unwelcome guest a cup - he may not appreciate Ren's presence, but far be it from him to disregard common courtesy. He is better than that.

"I was just about to brew myself some tea. Anything I can offer you?"

Ren stands in the room, looking awkward, all hulking frame, stooping posture and still with that ridiculous mask over his head. He cocks his head.

"Tea?"

Just with that one word, uttered in a fairly neutral but quizzical tone, Hux feels his hackles rising, defensively.

"Yes, tea. Is that a problem for you, Ren?"

The helmet shakes a negative.

"I did not take you for the tea drinking type, that's all."

Hux bites back a 'What is that supposed to mean' and settles for a more neutral response.

"I happen to own a fairly large collection. Is there anything you like?"

Ren stays silent for a short while and Hux almost asks if he didn't hear the question through that silly helmet but then, he deigns to answer after all.

"I'll just have whatever."

In the time that takes Hux a lot of effort to fight down a snappy 'There is no Whatever when it comes to tea', Ren adds "Just... no Naris-bud or Stim tea."

His voice is strangely subdued, even through the filter of his mask, and Hux wonders for a fleeting moment what that was all about, but then decides he definitely does not care enough and anyway, he has wasted enough time already.

A cursory glance over his remaining selection of teas narrows the choice for himself down to a first grade Sapir Emerald Leaf, a rare Ansionian Copper Tip Spring Harvest and the delicately perfumed Kopi blend he had received just a few cycles ago in a supply shipment. He decides against brewing any Ch'hala because he has no intention of risking the rare crystal cups customary in drinking it with Ren in the room.

After some deliberation, his choice falls on the Sapir, simply because it is, as far as his high class selection goes, on the simple side (he refuses to call it plain, that would be an insult) and he has no mind for complexities or sweetness with Ren right there in the room. Speaking of Ren, Hux still has to choose a tea for his guest (who is still standing in the middle of the room, looking strangely lost and if he wasn't so annoyed he'd be amused).
After opening the cupboard next to where he stores his tea (both of these storage spaces temperature and climate controlled), he takes out one of the bottles of purified Aquilie spring water, making a mental note that he needs to requisition a few more boxes soon. Another advantage of the Sapir; unlike the Kopi, it does not call for one of the more rare, specially mineralised waters he has in stock. It would be a pity to waste it on a cup he will not be able to properly enjoy, considering the company.
Filling the water heater and finally setting it to the precise temperature needed for the Sapir, he turns to Ren again and gestures at the table on the other side of the room.

"Don't just stand there, do have a seat. This will take a while."

Ren mutely follows the order (amazingly) and takes over one of the standard issue chairs, sitting stiffly. Satisfied for the moment, Hux nods to himself.

So, no Naris-bud, no Stim tea. He can live with that - he only has an expensive rare variety of Naris-bud and not the exactly perfect cups to serve it in and he has never been fond of Stim tea himself. He wonders in a manner of professional rather than personal interest what variety of tea Kylo Ren might actually favour. Something sweet and soothing like Jeru, maybe, to contrast his acerbic and uncontrolled character? Hux almost laughs at the idea. Ren, it seems, has no proper appreciation for tea, so he won't waste any of his rarities on him, that much is certain.

"I could offer you some Gwethh or Tarine. Or would you rather take a Tanque tea? That one is a bit of an acquired taste, though."

Hux is trying his best at civility, but it seems to have no effect on Ren, who is, as usual, set on being abrasive.

"I really don't care, do what you want so we can get this over with."

Hux is tempted to snap back at Ren again, but then he pauses as an idea forms. Well, it might be a bit petty, but after having his tea break disturbed... 'Do what you want' it is, then. And at least Ren will get treated to a true delicacy.

Until the timer of his water heater chimes and he sets out to prepare his own tea with practised, precise movements. He measures the exact amount of tea, places it in the appropriate glass pot and fishes for the corresponding cup in the cupboard in front of him. The water has reached its proper temperature by then and he pours the water, refilling the heater and setting it to the temperature needed for Ren's choice. Or rather, for the choice he made for Ren. He searches for the box that holds the small, never opened package he received as a gift back during his time at the academy.

Behind him, he hears the sound of Ren's helmet unlatching, then thumping on the table and he (mentally) sarcastically congratulates Ren for the insight that he can't drink tea through a mask.

While preparing the cup - a slightly crooked and inelegant black stoneware thing (how fitting it seems for its recipient)- that was included as a gift with the tea itself, Ren chooses to speak up again.

"This all seems a lot of unnecessary effort just for a cup of tea."

Hux grits his teeth.

"Preparing tea is an art that takes practise and experience, it has a ritualistic character and long standing traditions as diverse as the varieties of species in the galaxy. You of all people should have some appreciation for that."

Ren actually sniffs dismissively.

"It's just pouring hot water over some leaves. There is nothing much else to it."

Hux refrains from answering, feeling quite insulted. These remarks just confirm his choice for Ren's personal tea of the day. He is spared from further remarks by the water heater's signal, and he pours the water, properly. Ren may be unappreciative and disrespectful, but that is not the tea's fault.

Hux serves the tea, first Ren's (he may put the cup down with a bit more force than strictly necessary), then his own, and settles back onto his own chair to finally get to the point of Ren's presence in his quarters.

--

A good half-hour and a heated discussion later, Ren finally leaves.

Hux smirks to himself. As he pours himself another cup of his aromatic Sapir and settles back in his chair, he wonders when Ren will notice the purple-black discolouration of his mouth and teeth. Good for Ren that he has that ridiculous mask to hide behind.

And if later, during the staff meeting, Ren's helmeted head seems to droop a bit more than usual, as if its owner can't quite seem to stay awake, well. That's not Hux' fault. Nobody forced Ren to disrespect his tea, after all.

____________________

Ren's cup: http://www.bwoom-contemporary.de/Black-Oribe-Chawan-CHA022-A.jpg

Hux' glass teaset: http://i.imgur.com/pao3pU2.jpg

Phew, good! Couldn't wait and wrote a fill without waiting for the answer but I think it might fit with what you said. Just posted it, hope you like it!

Mmm, now I really want to go to the fancy tea place across town and sit there and read Kylux...I love that Hux deliberately gives Kylo what appears to be the Star Wars equivalent of heavy chamomile. A saboteur with tea.

This is such a delight! Also, holy shit, your Star Wars tea research and subsequent tea world-building is incredible.

not OP - YES!!!! HERE FOR IT! REALLY GOOD!

(OH GOD MY CATHOLICISM, THE POPE WAS JUST IN MY COUNTRY, HE'LL KNOW)

Oof

AYRT

Yeah, I was thinking about filling this because this prompt is everything I love, lol, but I'm not much of a modern AU person.

So I think I'm gonna give this a shot, in-universe, while also encouraging other potential author!anons to write you a modern AU version. :D

Anon, you're a hero for leaving the mommy to the imagination, so many lives touched! Thank you!

Hello OP, you are very welcome, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Haha, the outfit is actually just his regular clothes, except mostly cut in places and with no shirt/robe/whatever you call what he usually wears :'>
Matt was right after all, it seems.

asjdhgashgsdads thank you for the compliments,that means a lot. I'm thinking about drawing now the Resistance Posters because Finn would totally be into that and I bet he can convince Poe and Rey to join him.

Thanks! And let me tell you, I love to get this kind of comments when it comes to my art. Glad you liked it :)

Haha yep. I'm pretty sure that's not the proper way to hold a lightsaber, he might be melting he floor too, but I wanted to draw that pose. THANK YOU!

Thank you anon! The poor woman needs a break X3

Thank you anon, you are too nice. I'm happy you like it so much then.

seconded

Seconded!

You mean, Loki, who in a childish tantrum over not getting a throne he was never entitled to in the first place, tried to enslave a people, destroy a planet when he didn't get his own way?

Yeah, I'm sure Leia, leader of the Resistance and the person who has been fighting against entitled little shits like Loki for, oh, her entire life, is going to take one look at that little Palpatine wannabe and think "my baby..."

You are a god given treasure to this fandom.

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PROMPT POST #3 - CLOSED

This post is closed to new prompts! Go here

FILL: droid!Hux, no sex because I'm terrible

OP

Re: FILL: droid!Hux, no sex because I'm terrible

Re: Poe/Other (omc) or Oscar/Other RPF - kidnapped, basement

anon offers crappy SFW manips

Re: Hux is a tea snob.

Re: Hux is a tea snob.

Re: Mini-Fill: Gen (maybe Poe/Finn if you squint?)

A drop of Dianogan tea

Re: Hux is a tea snob.

Re: A drop of Dianogan tea

Re: A drop of Dianogan tea

Re: anon offers crappy SFW manips

Re: Fill: Kylo/any mommy kink (imagined incest)

Re: OP

Re: Fill: Kylo/any mommy kink (imagined incest)

♠

♠

♠

♠

♠

Re: Finn/Poe Anxiety attacks

Re: Rey/Finn/Poe, Luke/Han/Leia, Finn is the dad friend, Luke and Leia are reminded of Han

(frozen comment) Re: Crossover: MCU character appears

Re: ♠ | ART FILL