Ren treasured the nights he spent with Brendol over everything else. It was the only time he didn’t have to be the mentor to young Stormtroopers, an ideal member of the faceless army. He wasn’t like them in truth, he didn’t have absolute faith in The First Order or The Supreme Leader the way he should, he only had faith in Brendol and to pretend otherwise took a toll. Especially with the near constant pounding headache he had. The voices that once occurred only rarely were now a near constant buzz in the back of his mind. Occasionally he could make out words ‘who’, ‘you’, and a name ‘ben’ but it was never loud enough to hear an entire sentence.
Today was one of the rare occasions he beat Brendol back to his room. Bren would only have him come when he knew he would be there. He felt Ren entering when he wasn’t there would be seen as suspicious. Ren sat at a chair before Hux’s desk, his body bent forward, his mask next to his elbow, his face in his hands. He didn’t even notice when Brendol walked in. He didn’t sense him until Brendol pulled him into a hug. He knew Brendol liked feeling taller, it was a control thing. So he twisted his body in his seat rather than standing. “You look awful Ren. Is there an illness travelling around the barracks?” he asked concerned. Ren wouldn’t know if he looked awful. He hadn’t looked in Brendol’s mirror and the trooper barracks didn’t have them. They were an unnecessary luxury.
“I have a headache. The voices are getting louder and FN-2003 almost shot me today. It was not the best day.” Brendol looked concerned and a little miffed that one of the lowly troopers Ren trained dared to hurt him. “It was an accident. I was lucky though, I saw it coming and was able to get out of the way or maybe it just wasn’t as close as I thought.” Brendol frowned as if considering something.
“And the voices are worse?” Bren asked, his face betraying his obvious frustration.
Ren nodded. “Yeah, it’s no affecting my work though. Don’t worry.” Brendol smiled, proud of Ren’s perseverance.
“Are you hungry? Or do you want to sleep?” Brendol knew Ren wasn’t up for anything beyond cuddling on nights like this and he was lucky Brendol was willing to accommodate him.
“I tried to eat tonight but I couldn’t get much more than a protein bar down. I just want to go to sleep.” Bren nodded.
“Of course, let’s get changed and I’ll lie with you until you fall asleep.” He ran his fingers through Ren’s soft buzz cut. “I’ll still have to have a droid bring food but I can eat after you fall asleep.”
Within five minutes they were both in bed, Brendol playing big spoon despite being the shorter of the two. Again, it made him feel better. Ren didn’t mind, the soft fingers rubbing up and down his body lulled him to sleep. What Ren didn’t know was the moment he fell asleep Brendol not only ordered food but also pulled out his person holopad to run some numbers. What he did hear was a murmured exclamation of “Shit.”
Ren looked up, sleep still in his eyes to see Brendol running a hand through his hair clearly stressed out. The lamp was the only thing on, it meant that is was late. “Bren?” he whispered, his voice coming out as more of a whine. “What’s wrong?”
Brendol stood up and walked over to his weary lover. “It’s nothing. I just found an issue with calculations that were made for The Stormtrooper program. It puts me in a tough spot.” He placed a hand on Ren’s hair and sighed. Something was bothering him and if Ren was more awake he would object and demand that Brendol tell him the truth but half asleep he couldn’t fully see the lies Bren was weaving. Brendol flicked the light switch and laid down. He pulled Ren into his arms a held him in silence for a few minutes. Just when Ren thought he might fall back asleep he heard Brendol’s voice. “Ren? If I was ordered to choose between you and The First Order what would you want me to do?”
Ren huffed and turned around. That was a horrible question for pillow talk. “I’d expect you to do what you believe to be correct. I would not hold it against you if that was The First Order. I am replaceable. It would take time but Phasma could help in the interim.” Brendol gripped him tighter. His entire body stiff as a board.
Ren could tell Brendol was lost in thought. He could feel the stress radiating off of his entire body. He wasn’t sure what had Brendol in such a state. “What is it Bren? Did I do something wrong?”
Brendol shook his head. Ren felt it against his back. “No, it’s just. We need to leave.”
Ren sat up and turned around. “What? Brendol? What are you talking about?”
“I’ve mapped out all the possible ways this could go down once Snoke finds out what’s been happening to you.” Brendol frowned sitting up as well. “He’ll order your death or at least force you to have a surgery that would likely result in your death. The men responsible for this fuck-up are dead and he won’t like that. Best case scenario is a demotion, worst case is my death as well.”
Ren looked at Brendol his eyes wild. “What are you talking about? What is he going to want you dead for? And let’s not forget that he needs your plans for Starkiller. It will take another five years at least to complete.”
Brendol shook his head. “He already as my plans. It will slow him down but he can build it without me. I am just as replaceable but we need to go now, the more time we spend thinking about it the more that might go wrong.”
Ren shook his head. “All right. Whatever you need. I promised I would follow you no matter what and that hasn’t changed.”
“Please put on your uniform and prepare the ship. I’ll grab a to-go bag and see if I can dig up some civilian clothes for us.” Ren scoffed. Brendol hadn’t worn civilian clothes since he entered the military. He was never without his uniform. Even if he had them they might not even fit anymore.
They dressed quickly, Ren leaving the room immediately after replacing his helmet. He headed towards the hanger and grabbed a small ship he knew Brendol favored. He still wasn’t sure what it was that made his lover so panicky but he said he would follow and nothing would change that. He didn’t expect FN-2187 to come in while he was preparing the ship however. “Hello sir, what brings you here so late?”
Ren was used to lying to those under his command, after all he had never spoken to anyone about the less professional aspects of his relationship with Bren. “Yes, FN-2187, I am escorting General Hux to a meeting off base that is taking place tomorrow. It’s a bit early to leave but there has been some trouble in the region and he doesn’t want to risk being late. You know how the general feels about tardiness. Please, do not concern yourself and complete your rounds instead.
“Yes sir.”
Preparations continued. Fuel gauges and supplies were all checked. Approval was received from the bridge the moment he mentioned General Hux. Now all he was waiting on was the man himself. “I grabbed some spare clothes in case we are delayed longer than necessary.” Brendol announced when he came into the room. Although Ren hadn’t mentioned the excuse Brendol seemed to be on the same page as usual. Bren only mentioned the possibility of delay to make it seem normal.
“Good, I received permission to take off. Do you want me to fly or would you rather?” he asked.
Brendol offered a tense smile. “I will. I might need your help when we get close to our destination though.”
Ren raised an eyebrow under his helmet. “And where are we going?”
Brendol heard him but he didn’t respond until they were in hyperspace. The silence between them tangible. “The resistance base on D’Qar. We need to seek refuge from your parents.” Brendol responded his teeth gritted.
Re: FILL | RN-001 [4/?]
Today was one of the rare occasions he beat Brendol back to his room. Bren would only have him come when he knew he would be there. He felt Ren entering when he wasn’t there would be seen as suspicious. Ren sat at a chair before Hux’s desk, his body bent forward, his mask next to his elbow, his face in his hands. He didn’t even notice when Brendol walked in. He didn’t sense him until Brendol pulled him into a hug. He knew Brendol liked feeling taller, it was a control thing. So he twisted his body in his seat rather than standing. “You look awful Ren. Is there an illness travelling around the barracks?” he asked concerned. Ren wouldn’t know if he looked awful. He hadn’t looked in Brendol’s mirror and the trooper barracks didn’t have them. They were an unnecessary luxury.
“I have a headache. The voices are getting louder and FN-2003 almost shot me today. It was not the best day.” Brendol looked concerned and a little miffed that one of the lowly troopers Ren trained dared to hurt him. “It was an accident. I was lucky though, I saw it coming and was able to get out of the way or maybe it just wasn’t as close as I thought.” Brendol frowned as if considering something.
“And the voices are worse?” Bren asked, his face betraying his obvious frustration.
Ren nodded. “Yeah, it’s no affecting my work though. Don’t worry.” Brendol smiled, proud of Ren’s perseverance.
“Are you hungry? Or do you want to sleep?” Brendol knew Ren wasn’t up for anything beyond cuddling on nights like this and he was lucky Brendol was willing to accommodate him.
“I tried to eat tonight but I couldn’t get much more than a protein bar down. I just want to go to sleep.” Bren nodded.
“Of course, let’s get changed and I’ll lie with you until you fall asleep.” He ran his fingers through Ren’s soft buzz cut. “I’ll still have to have a droid bring food but I can eat after you fall asleep.”
Within five minutes they were both in bed, Brendol playing big spoon despite being the shorter of the two. Again, it made him feel better. Ren didn’t mind, the soft fingers rubbing up and down his body lulled him to sleep.
What Ren didn’t know was the moment he fell asleep Brendol not only ordered food but also pulled out his person holopad to run some numbers. What he did hear was a murmured exclamation of “Shit.”
Ren looked up, sleep still in his eyes to see Brendol running a hand through his hair clearly stressed out. The lamp was the only thing on, it meant that is was late. “Bren?” he whispered, his voice coming out as more of a whine. “What’s wrong?”
Brendol stood up and walked over to his weary lover. “It’s nothing. I just found an issue with calculations that were made for The Stormtrooper program. It puts me in a tough spot.” He placed a hand on Ren’s hair and sighed. Something was bothering him and if Ren was more awake he would object and demand that Brendol tell him the truth but half asleep he couldn’t fully see the lies Bren was weaving. Brendol flicked the light switch and laid down. He pulled Ren into his arms a held him in silence for a few minutes. Just when Ren thought he might fall back asleep he heard Brendol’s voice. “Ren? If I was ordered to choose between you and The First Order what would you want me to do?”
Ren huffed and turned around. That was a horrible question for pillow talk. “I’d expect you to do what you believe to be correct. I would not hold it against you if that was The First Order. I am replaceable. It would take time but Phasma could help in the interim.” Brendol gripped him tighter. His entire body stiff as a board.
Ren could tell Brendol was lost in thought. He could feel the stress radiating off of his entire body. He wasn’t sure what had Brendol in such a state. “What is it Bren? Did I do something wrong?”
Brendol shook his head. Ren felt it against his back. “No, it’s just. We need to leave.”
Ren sat up and turned around. “What? Brendol? What are you talking about?”
“I’ve mapped out all the possible ways this could go down once Snoke finds out what’s been happening to you.” Brendol frowned sitting up as well. “He’ll order your death or at least force you to have a surgery that would likely result in your death. The men responsible for this fuck-up are dead and he won’t like that. Best case scenario is a demotion, worst case is my death as well.”
Ren looked at Brendol his eyes wild. “What are you talking about? What is he going to want you dead for? And let’s not forget that he needs your plans for Starkiller. It will take another five years at least to complete.”
Brendol shook his head. “He already as my plans. It will slow him down but he can build it without me. I am just as replaceable but we need to go now, the more time we spend thinking about it the more that might go wrong.”
Ren shook his head. “All right. Whatever you need. I promised I would follow you no matter what and that hasn’t changed.”
“Please put on your uniform and prepare the ship. I’ll grab a to-go bag and see if I can dig up some civilian clothes for us.” Ren scoffed. Brendol hadn’t worn civilian clothes since he entered the military. He was never without his uniform. Even if he had them they might not even fit anymore.
They dressed quickly, Ren leaving the room immediately after replacing his helmet. He headed towards the hanger and grabbed a small ship he knew Brendol favored. He still wasn’t sure what it was that made his lover so panicky but he said he would follow and nothing would change that. He didn’t expect FN-2187 to come in while he was preparing the ship however. “Hello sir, what brings you here so late?”
Ren was used to lying to those under his command, after all he had never spoken to anyone about the less professional aspects of his relationship with Bren. “Yes, FN-2187, I am escorting General Hux to a meeting off base that is taking place tomorrow. It’s a bit early to leave but there has been some trouble in the region and he doesn’t want to risk being late. You know how the general feels about tardiness. Please, do not concern yourself and complete your rounds instead.
“Yes sir.”
Preparations continued. Fuel gauges and supplies were all checked. Approval was received from the bridge the moment he mentioned General Hux. Now all he was waiting on was the man himself. “I grabbed some spare clothes in case we are delayed longer than necessary.” Brendol announced when he came into the room. Although Ren hadn’t mentioned the excuse Brendol seemed to be on the same page as usual. Bren only mentioned the possibility of delay to make it seem normal.
“Good, I received permission to take off. Do you want me to fly or would you rather?” he asked.
Brendol offered a tense smile. “I will. I might need your help when we get close to our destination though.”
Ren raised an eyebrow under his helmet. “And where are we going?”
Brendol heard him but he didn’t respond until they were in hyperspace. The silence between them tangible. “The resistance base on D’Qar. We need to seek refuge from your parents.” Brendol responded his teeth gritted.
“What?” Ren asked his eyes wide under his helmet.