themodawakens ([personal profile] themodawakens) wrote in [community profile] tfa_kink2016-03-28 08:14 am
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PROMPT POST #5 - CLOSED

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+ All comments except fills should be posted anonymously.
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+ One prompt per comment please.
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[Fill] Am I Breathing underwater? [2/7]

(Anonymous) 2016-04-06 04:48 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you everyone for the wonderful comments! I'm glad you're all enjoying this and I hope that I can meet everyone's expectations with this next chapter! Apologies in advance for spelling/grammar issues

-
Poe’s first memories are of Kylo Ren, reaching out and slipping into his mind. He has a vague recollection of Ren speaking to him, gloating perhaps or explaining what’s about to happen. No, what Poe remembers is the feeling of the Force User in his mind and then a mental snap as Poe is suddenly flooded with the knowledge of what he purpose is within the First Order and who he belongs to.

It is very soon after this that Poe is encouraged to demonstrate his abilities and loyalties and he does so with enthusiastic vigour. Whatever has been done to him, and he knows something has, there is no shame or doubt that this is something he knows how to do and do well.

It takes him very little time to get Kylo Ren off using only his mouth, and Poe feels proud of himself for this accomplishment. When gloved fingers thread through his hair and Kylo Ren praises him, Poe practically purrs at the attention.

Sometimes Poe still finds himself eagerly trying to capture that moment again, he gives Hux and Ren his everything to earn their approval and to avoid their anger. As the months go by Poe sees less and less kindness and more cruelty.

Part of him believes that it’s his fault; part of him rejoices at their anger because he knows there is a reason for it. That part of him is the same part that tells him that something isn’t right about his situation.

This is all he knows though, and so he pushes the voice that says ‘this is wrong’ aside and bends over like a good concubine for Hux and Ren no matter what they want from him. The night they leave him so injured that he can barely sit for the next week is the night everything changed for Poe and it’s all because of one person.

He’s seen the stormtrooper following Hux and Ren around often, and they have interacted on occasion but nothing like this night. The trooper’s designation is FN-2187 but Poe knows little else about him other than that the sound of his voice is like a soothing balm to Poe’s nerves.

After Hux and Ren leave, Poe is left on the bed feeling as though he’s been dragged through the halls of the Finalizer by his hair. Not that he’s ever seen much of the ship; he’s very rarely permitted to leave the quarters he’s housed in. The pain running through his body is fresh and sharp, and Poe just wants to pass out and forget everything. When he hears someone come into the room he barely fights back the urge to hide, partially because he’s in too much pain to move.

When a gentle hand carefully turns him over Poe opens his eyes wearily and looks up at the familiar stormtrooper mask and suddenly everything is alright. “Oh,” He’s voice cracks from overuse; he hadn’t been able to fight back his cries of pain, “Hi Finn.”

Poe doesn’t realize what he’s said until FN-2187 corrects him, but when he thinks about it the name feels right. “I like Finn better, it suits you. Can I call you that?” His heart thumps a little harder in his chest when FN-2187, Finn, agrees.

After the conversation there’s a doctor and an examination followed soon after by blissful unconsciousness and deliverance from pain.

Only it isn’t the blissfully blank sleep he’s used to from a drugged sleep. Poe dreams, something he so rarely does, and he dreams of images, things he’s never seen before but that feel so right.

There’s a woman smiling down at him as he sits in her lap, his hands on the controls of something.

He’s shouting commands, “Muran! Iolo! Break port!” and watching in horror as something explodes in front of him.

Joy, he’s feeling so much joy at being reunited with someone. There’s another person’s arm around him, new but familiar and everything is right.

Screaming a name over and over again even as the pain continues. Too much. Too much! He can’t do it. . .can’t remember why he’s fighting, who he’s fighting for. . .

Poe wakes up with his own screams ringing in his ears. It takes him a moment to get his bearings but by then the dream is already fading and Poe is left with only a vague recollection of its importance.

“Hush now,” Poe startles at the voice, noticing only now that there is another person on the bed with him. Blinking back tears, Poe looks up into the face of Kylo Ren. The man’ expression is carefully guarded but there’s something there that Poe can’t read, something that has him tensing in fear.

Ren’s gloved hands are on his face, carefully wiping away the tears that have escaped. “It’s alright now, you’re safe.” The voice is so gentler than it was the last time Poe had see him. Briefly Poe wonders how many days he’s been unconscious, but fights back the urge to ask; Ren answers anyway. “It’s been three days; we had to move you to the medical center to make sure you didn’t get worse.”

There’s an IV in his arm and Poe realizes that he feels week and is hungry, his stomach cramping with the pain of it. When it gurgles Poe fights back a blush of shame, averting his eyes from Ren’s.

At the sound of Poe’s stomach, Ren commands someone to fetch some broth and soon Poe is carefully sipping the tasteless liquid down as Ren watches, encouraging him to go slow. When Poe is finished eating and given another examination before being declared well enough to return to his room, it is Ren that escorts him there personally, ensuring that he is comfortably settled into bed.

Poe wonders at that, neither Hux nor Ren has ever shown so much care for him since the first few months of his time with them. Ren’s behaviour is both refreshing and terrifying because it means that something has either scared them badly or made them really happy. Neither of these thoughts is particularly appealing to Poe. Poe’s wonders where these thoughts and this bitterness in his have come from.

Once again Ren picks up the thoughts from his mind, which should not surprise Poe anymore given that the man is a Force user. “General Hux and I have not been caring for you properly, we almost lost you.” Ren speaks to Poe as though he is talking about a favourite toy or pet; which is exactly what Poe is in many ways. “We’re going to let you rest up and heal; your duties will mostly be suspended.”

There’s a flash of panic in Poe’s mind at the thought of having neither man touch him. It’s the only contact Poe ever receives and in many ways it’s his lifeline.

Ren presses a tender kiss to his forehead at that thought. “We would never neglect you so, we know what you need. Intercourse is not needed for us to touch you. ” To prove his words he begins to touch Poe in all the places that he and Hux are so familiar with. Soon Poe finds himself panting with need, his body burning with desire and hunger. All too soon he finds himself with his mouth wrapped around Ren’s dick, sucking at it ravenously.

This is familiar and how it should be, his mind tells him. This is what you were made for. Deep inside his mind, Poe wonders if the thoughts are his own.

When Ren comes with a grunt, fingers tangled gently into Poe’s hair, Poe drinks every drop of his seed eagerly much to Ren’s delight. “There, you see; we can still do things like this. Now bring yourself off for me.”

Moaning Poe does as he’s told, wrapping shaking hands around his throbbing erection and pumping it once, twice, three times before he’s coming with a sob, cum splattering onto the medical gown he is wearing.

“Yes, beautiful.” Ren murmurs, eyes half-lidded and pleased.

Afterward, Ren cleans him up and helps him change into a loose pair of pants and light shirt. “You will not be permitted to move around much, but Hux and I have agreed that we will allow you a small treat. As we cannot be here with you often enough, FN-2187 will be here to watch over and aid you.”

Poe blinks in surprise. “Isn’t here your personal guard?” Is there an ulterior motive to this? He wonders, quickly pushing the thought away lest Ren pick it up.

“On board the Finalizer there is no need for us to fear any attack. FN-2187 is loyal to the First Order and will ensure you have everything you need.” There’s something, anticipation or gloating in Ren’s voice, that Poe doesn’t understand. “You should rest now.” The words aren’t a suggestion, they’re a command and Poe feels himself slipping into a more natural sleep than his previous drugged one. He wonders if he imagines Ren’s next words, “We shall how well the few days go.” Sinister words that make Poe’s blood run cold with fear until there is nothing but dark dreamless sleep.

-

I had a little more trouble with this chapter because I wanted to try and capture Poe but also the Poe that Kylo and Hux have made. Next chapter is going to be Finn again but with actual story progression; I've got an outline for this done so hopefully it won't take me too long between chapters (then again I'm not the fastest writer so no promises either).

Re: [Fill] Am I Breathing underwater? [2/7]

(Anonymous) 2016-04-06 05:03 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh my gosh this is so good and sad and sweet and painful. Love love love this fill. Keep up the awesome work! <3

Re: [Fill] Am I Breathing underwater? [2/7]

(Anonymous) 2016-04-06 08:06 pm (UTC)(link)
There’s a flash of panic in Poe’s mind at the thought of having neither man touch him. It’s the only contact Poe ever receives and in many ways it’s his lifeline.

Okay, first of all: heartbreaking. :(

“On board the Finalizer there is no need for us to fear any attack. FN-2187 is loyal to the First Order and will ensure you have everything you need.” There’s something, anticipation or gloating in Ren’s voice, that Poe doesn’t understand.

Oh snap did something happen with Finn while Poe was out? Is this going to be some psychological mind biz?

"I wanted to try and capture Poe but also the Poe that Kylo and Hux have made."

You did an amazing job, honestly!

Re: [Fill] Am I Breathing underwater? [2/7]

(Anonymous) 2016-04-07 03:41 pm (UTC)(link)
So good. Poor Poe is like a beaten dog. :(

Re: [Fill] Am I Breathing underwater? [2/7]

(Anonymous) 2016-04-11 11:22 pm (UTC)(link)
Love this.

Re: [Fill] Am I Breathing underwater? [2/7]

(Anonymous) 2016-04-13 02:43 pm (UTC)(link)
So ready for another chapter (or 5) of this. <3

Re: [Fill] Am I Breathing underwater? [2/7]

(Anonymous) 2016-04-18 09:55 pm (UTC)(link)
Hey there! Really love this fic and hope to read more from it soon!

[Fill] Am I Breathing underwater? [3/7]

(Anonymous) 2016-04-20 01:12 am (UTC)(link)
Hello it's me, the super slow writer. Thank you everyone once again for all the lovely comments! Here's the next chapter from Finn's perspective once again.

-

Things change for Finn the weeks following his new designation as Poe’s guard. Most of his day to day routine is the same, he sleeps with his squad, takes meals with them, and is still required to attend to his training, but most of the day he spends standing guard outside Poe’s door.

Expect he’s not just standing guard, because as Finn quickly learns Poe is a talker and does not like the quiet or to be left alone for too long. At one point Finn wonders just how often Ren and Hux were visiting Poe for him to be so dependent on human interaction. When Finn was acting as their bodyguard he could recall both Ren and Hux visiting Poe at least once a day both together and individually. Who knew how long the two men were in Poe’s room after Finn was off duty?

Their early interactions, if one could call them that with Poe doing all the talking, are nothing more than the occasional brief exchange. Poe can’t really leave the bed for the first few days and the distance of the bed from the door makes speaking difficult, not to mention his voice is still scratchy from screaming. When Poe is cleared off forced bed rest and allowed to walk around short distances with rest, Finn is there to supervise these walks along with a med droid. Poe gets Finn to help him make a nest of pillows for himself by the door and spends the day talking to Finn through the door of Poe’s room.

Finn finds himself looking forward to and enjoying their daily conversations as they quickly becoming the highlight of his day. In truth any time spent around Poe is like that because Poe’s presence is like the warming rays of the sun, or what Finn imagines they must feel like.

“Sometimes I feel like I belong somewhere else.” Poe says one day, it’s been almost a month since Finn was stationed as Poe’s guard. “I have these visions in my mind while I’m sleeping; scenes that feel more natural than anything here.” There’s something in Poe’s voice, pain or longing, that has Finn leaning closer to the door, fighting back the urge to pull it open to go in and pull Poe into his arms.

Poe continues unaware of Finn’s inner turmoil. “I see flashes of a green planet, and a base. There are people there; there’s a round white and orange droid, an older woman with a kind smile, a younger woman with a staff and a dark skinned man who radiates love, behind them are all sorts of other people and I know that they’re all there for me, waiting.”

Finn only ever dreams of Poe, although sometimes he can hear a girl calling his name anxiously. Most of the time though Finn sleeps and wakes without seeing a single image. That thought makes him inexplicably sad, not wanting to dwell on it Finn focuses on Poe’s voice and lets it wash away his sorrow.

-

Over the course of the next few weeks, Finn’s days remain the same until one day, two months after he was assigned as Poe’s guard; he’s called into Captain Phasma’s office.
Feeling a sense of dread wash over him, Finn walks into the office and stands at attention in front of the desk. “FN-2187 reporting.”

Even with her mask on, Finn can tell that Phasma is studying him intently and it makes him sweat nervously. “FN-2187, General Hux and Lord Ren have been pleased with your work guarding their pet,” Phasma says pet as though it were a bad taste in her mouth, “the two of them are required off the Finalizer for a number of weeks and they have requested that your duties be amended to include taking your charge on supervised daily walks. There will be approved areas for you to take him including one of the work-out facilities in the wing he is stationed in. General Hux and Lord Ren were particular that their pet stays in peak condition while they are gone.”

Finn’s heart is beating too loudly in his chest, and he hopes that Phasma cannot hear it; not only will he get the chance to interact with Poe more, but he’ll be able to see and even touch him!

Captain Phasma continues, mercifully unaware of Finn’s inner thoughts. “I have sent the information to your datapad.” At Finn’s nod, Captain Phasma stood up and walked over to stand before Finn. “I trust I don not have to warn you about what will happen if you fail to satisfy General Hux and Lord Ren’s wishes or should anything unsavoury happen during these outings.”

“Yes Captain Phasma.” Finn says with a salute; wondering just what Captain Phasma means when she mentions unsavoury occurrences. Wisely he does not ask.

There are several minutes where Captain Phasma says nothing, staring down at Finn in silence. Finally, pleased with what she observes, she returns to her desk. “You are dismissed FN-2187.”

Relieved Finn hurries out of the office, trying not to appear too eager. He can’t wait to tell Poe the news, he knows the other man has been eager to do some exploring; he’s always bemoaning his isolation in his rooms. Even if their path will be limited it will to make Poe happy, and that thought alone is enough to bring a smile to Finn’s face. Poe deserves all the happiness in the Galaxy after all.

-

Lord Ren and General Hux don’t leave until a few days after Captain Phasma calls Finn into her office. During those days they spend much of their time in Poe’s room, especially now that he’s healed enough to resume his usual duties, and Finn hates them both so much as he stands outside the door listening to the sounds they pull out of Poe.

They shouldn’t be allowed to touch Poe because Poe is. . . Poe is. . . the thought slips away before Finn has a chance to dwell on just what his mind is trying to tell him.

It’s a relief when the two men finally leave the ship and things can go back to how they were before, with just Finn and Poe.

Predictably Poe takes to his new freedom like a bird to wing, enjoying the walks with a look of wonder and curiosity that is so refreshing to Finn. It’s almost like Poe is experiencing many of the things he sees for the first time, given that Finn doesn’t know where he grew up that is within the realm of possibility.

The workout room offers another freedom for Poe and presents a large problem for Finn because Poe has a gorgeous body and it looks delectable covered in a light sheen of sweat as he makes use of the equipment. Finn never knew it was possible to get so turned on, and he was suddenly infinitely glad for his armour.

The next two weeks pass by in the same manner with Poe and Finn get closer and closer the more they talk and interact. Finn was already practically enamoured with Poe from their conversations through the door and the few glances he could get of him, now Finn’s heart pounds every time he’s with Poe and he wonders if it could be love. Even if it is love; Finn knows nothing would ever come of it and nothing between them is going to change.

Finn is content with how things are; he doesn’t realize that Poe isn’t until he throws everything into chaos with just one sentence.

“I want to see what you look like.” Poe says, staring intently at Finn through the helmet. The two of them are tucked into a small nook in the training room, a corner where Finn knows there are no camera’s pointed at.

Finn knows he shouldn’t, he wants to say no that it’s against regulations but he also wants to view Poe with his own eyes, not through the helmet’s visor. “Alright.” Hesitantly he reaches up, unclasping the sides the helmet and pulling it off before he can allow himself to think twice it. He doesn’t realize he’s closed his eyes until he opens them at Poe’s soft exclamation of surprise.

For a moment there is silence between them, with Finn and Poe’s eyes meeting for the fist time without any barriers. Poe looks shocked and Finn has a moment of doubt where he wonders if he really is so ugly to look at? Hurriedly he moves to put his helmet back on only to have Poe grab his hand desperately to stop him.

“Don’t!”

Surprised Finn jerks as he stops, staring at Poe opened mouth at the exclamation.

Poe seems startled at himself, but also determined. Reaching up he places both his hands on either side of Finn’s face. “I know you.” He whispers softly in wonder, his eyes shinning with tears. “You’re the man that’s in my dreams almost every night, the one whose voice I can never hear.”

That doesn’t seem possible except . . . if Finn’s was reconditioned prior to meeting Poe, then maybe Poe was as well?

If that’s true than it explains so much; how Finn has always had the urge to protect Poe, the way Poe seemed so familiar with him and the name he gave him. Even Phasma’s warning to him before they began these outings, as though she expected something to happen between Finn and Poe. And then there are the dream’s Poe describes to Finn; how Poe knows Finn’s face but has never seen it until just now. It makes Finn wonder what their lives were like before the reconditioning. Just who were Poe and Finn and what did they mean to each other?

“Finn.” Poe’s saying his name pulls Finn out of his thoughts, usually when they’re out on their daily excursions Poe uses his designation or the much shortened ’87. The sound of his name seems different this time and Finn finds himself helpless at the sound of it, there’s just so much emotion behind the four letters.

When he looks back into Poe’s eyes Finn is lost. Gently he reaches up with his right hand to cup Poe’s face, caressing his cheek tenderly before tilting it just so as he leans down to press his lips against Poe’s.

The universe alights around him and everything slots into place for one clear glorious moment.

This is so perfect.

So very right.

Re: [Fill] Am I Breathing underwater? [3/7]

(Anonymous) 2016-04-20 02:28 am (UTC)(link)
*screaming internally* YES.

Re: [Fill] Am I Breathing underwater? [3/7]

(Anonymous) 2016-04-20 02:37 am (UTC)(link)
This is so perfect and sweet and I have a feeling it's going to get very bad for them AHHHH.

Love your updates! <3

Re: [Fill] Am I Breathing underwater? [3/7]

(Anonymous) 2016-04-20 02:13 pm (UTC)(link)
YESSS THEY'RE SO CUTE

Re: [Fill] Am I Breathing underwater? [3/7]

(Anonymous) 2016-04-21 02:13 pm (UTC)(link)
Love it. Your writing is perfect for this.

Re: [Fill] Am I Breathing underwater? [3/7]

(Anonymous) 2016-04-21 05:52 pm (UTC)(link)
Save him, Finn. :( Oh, babies.

Re: [Fill] Am I Breathing underwater? [3/7]

(Anonymous) 2016-04-22 04:38 pm (UTC)(link)
AAAAAH I love it love it love it!

Re: [Fill] Am I Breathing underwater? [3/7]

(Anonymous) 2016-04-27 04:03 am (UTC)(link)
My god I need so much more of this. Love it.

[Fill] Am I Breathing underwater? [4/7]

(Anonymous) 2016-05-02 04:42 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you everyone for your comments and support! I'm glad everyone is enjoying this! Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out, the last week has been hell.

-

If there was ever such thing as a perfect world then Poe is living it right now. The days following Poe and Finn’s first kiss are spent going on more walks around the deck Poe’s quarters are on, the Officer’s Deck Finn informs him one day. They do more than walking though, every opportunity is spent ducking into darkened corners or little alcoves away from the cameras, and Finn knows where they all are, to sneak quick kisses and touches. In the workout room they are more handsy than is required and Poe love every glorious moment of it.

Finn’s touches sear through Poe’s body in a way that Lord Ren and General Hux’s never have. It’s ingrained in Poe to crave touch and Finn is able to make him feel full, complete without having to do more than press a kiss just to Poe’s lips, or slide a hand around his waist. Every one of Finn’s kisses and touches leaves Poe satisfied but also quivering and craving more.

When they aren’t out and about, Poe sits by the door to his room listening to Finn tell him all about his day, things he’s seen or experienced. While Poe usually likes talking, there isn’t much to tell Finn about his life, he really doubts Finn wants to hear about the time Lord Ren used the force to hold him in the air while he and Hux fixed Poe from Poe ends. Poe learned early that mentioning what happens between himself, Lord Ren and General Hux bothers Finn. The other man usually tries to pass it off but Poe can tell, Finn goes quiet and his eyes, when his helmet is off, go distant any time that Poe mentions them. So instead of talking he listens to Finn and when Poe does talk it’s usually about his dreams.

The dreams. . . since their kiss Poe has been experiencing them more often lately, but they’re all just scattered fragments of something. Finn thinks he gets them because they’ve both been reconditioned and when Poe asks what that is, Finn tells him. It makes Poe wonder just who they were before, was had he always been a concubine or was he something more before?

Poe dreams of flying more often than anything else.

Maybe that’s why he’s so insistent when they find the flight simulator to be allowed to try it out.

The day starts out normal, Poe and Finn are taking their normal walk when Finn pulls Poe into a tucked away corner, yanking his helmet off to crowd Poe against the door and steal his breath away with a kiss. Neither of them notice when the door beeps to grant them admission until Poe is falling back and it’s only Finn’s strong arms catching him that stops Poe from falling to the floor.

Poe loves Finn’s powerful arms and how he can wrap them around Poe so easily and hold him close. He feels safe inside Finn’s arms.

“Kriff, Poe are you alright?” Finn is holding Poe tight against his chest, and Poe takes a moment to wonder what it would feel like without the armour separating them.

While Finn’s armour is concealing, Poe’s own clothes leave very little to the imagination; it consists of loose pants that are easily removed, and a sheer shirt that can be undone by a series of ties at that back. Most of his clothes are made in this same style but in a variety of colours and patterns. There’s also a gold metal bikini hanging in his closet that Ren some times requests he wear; on the nights that he wears the bikini Ren visits him alone and tends to be more violent. Poe hates that particular article of clothing with passion.

“Poe?” Finn asks again, voice beginning to convey worry.

Shaking his head mentally, Poe offers Finn what he hopes is a comforting smile. “I’m alright, just a little startled I guess.” Twisting around in Finn’s arms he looks around the room behind him, this room is new to him. “What’s that?” He asks as he sees a large machine sitting in the center of the room, a screen displayed in front of it.

Finn glances over Poe’s shoulder frowning. “That’s a flight simulator. . . I don’t think we’re supposed to be in this room.”

Poe’s excitement spikes and he’s wiggling out of Finn’s arms. “You said that any door room that’s unlocked is open to us, and this room was unlocked.”

“I don’t think it’s meant to be, someone must have forgotten to ensure it was locked when they left.” Finn’s reaching down to grab his helmet as he speaks. “We should leave and head to the workout room Poe.”

But Poe isn’t listening; instead he’s walking over to the machine, running his hands over it curiously before jumping into the seat. There’s a helmet handing off the control stick and Poe grabs it, setting it on his head and taking a hold of the controls, they feel so natural in his hands. “How do I turn this on Finn?”

He can hear Finn coming up on his right side, the sound his boots make is pretty distinct. “This is a bad idea Poe, we shouldn’t be here.”

Ignoring him, Poe began to press buttons in an attempt to turn things on, eventually the program booted up with a hum. Grinning to himself Poe works on understanding the controls, even reading through the training manual. He can feel Finn hovering to the side of the simulator but he ignores him.

Once he’s got a basic grasp of what he has to do Poe launches the simulator, quickly scrolling through the options. “The First Order uses Tie fighters mainly in battle right?”

Despite his obvious misgivings, Finn answers Poe. “Yes, although there are other ships used. Ties are just the most common combat ships.”

Poe is silent for a moment, thoughtful. “Why are there ships such as A-Wings and B-Wings in here? Are they not the sorts of ships that the Resistance would use? It seems off to be able to pilot enemy ships.”

“It’s possible they were included to give the First Order pilots more practice.” Finn tells him thoughtfully. “Knowing your enemy is the first step to defeating them.”

Since Poe isn’t a soldier he can’t really argue Finn’s point, it makes sense after all. Instead he goes back to flipping through the ship options before stopping when his heart lurches at the sight of one of the ships. On the screen displayed in large letters is the ship’s description: T-70 X-WING.

With his blood pounding in his ears and his heart speeding up drastically Poe presses the option to select the X-Wing for the simulation and then settles his hands on to the joystick.

When the simulation starts Poe jerks in surprise as a series of asteroid appears in his vision suddenly and he almost crashes. Then something seems to take hold of him, he feels calm and without having to think about it he begins navigating the obstacles with ease. When the enemy ships start shooting at him Poe doesn’t even hesitate to return fire.

There is no thinking only feeling.

Poe gets so caught up in the simulation that he doesn’t come back to reality until all the enemies are gone and the screen goes dark, only to light up with the words ‘NEW RECORD.’ Below it is Poe’s score and then the next high score which is not even in the same league.

When it prompts him to enter his name Poe feels himself ripping the simulation helmet off and rolling out of the chair. It’s a struggle to fight back the urge to retch because everything is all wrong. It’s so very, very wrong.

Finn’s arms come around him, holding him and keeping him on his feet. “Poe!” Poe’s name on Finn’s tongue is whispered with a sense of urgency but also a sense of wonder. “Are you alright? Do you need me to call the medroid?”

“No. . no. I-I just need a minute.” Poe wills himself to stop shaking and to calm down.

He appreciates the fact that Finn allows him to gather himself together again before saying anything. When he does speak though, it’s with amazement. “Poe that was incredible, how did you do that?”

“I don’t know Finn. . . it felt natural, like something I was meant to do.” His voice cracks as he speaks and he turns to look up at Finn with wild eyes. "If I'm supposed to be a trained concubine, why does it feel so natural to fly?" Poe asks desperately, dropping his gaze down at the calluses on his hands. “You mentioned reconditioning before . . . just who were we Finn?”

Poe doesn’t fight Finn holds him tighter, his voice more sober when he speaks. “I don’t know Poe, but I promise that I’ll find out.”

With Finn’s arms around him Poe gives into the tears that he’s been holding back, even knowing that something isn’t right hasn’t made him doubt his lot in life, not until now. Whoever he was before, he must have been quite the pilot to have gotten a score as high as he did on the simulator. If he was such a good pilot then why did Lord Ren and General Hux ground him? Had he done something to upset them?

“It’ll be alright Poe, we’ll figure out what’s going on.”

Poe listens to Finn’s words and his soothing voice and lets it relax him but he’s still feeling jittery and he knows there’s only one way to relax from this feeling. “Finn. . .I. . .I need you to touch me, to make me feel good or I’m not going to be able to calm down.”

Finn pulls away enough to look at him in surprise which quickly melts into nervousness and uncertainty. “Uh. . .t-t-to make you feel good?”

“Yes,” It’s easier to show Finn what he needs, the urges that have been trained (or was it programmed) into him. Poe has never seen Finn out of his armour but has played with the clasps and buckles that keep the white pieces of plastoid held firmly in place. It’s easy to get the armour off and set it aside leaving Finn in only his black body suit. “Finn, you’re so stunning, you shouldn’t have to cover up or hide yourself.”

Beneath his fingers Poe can feel Finn shaking, but he doesn’t fight Poe, instead he takes Poe’s face between his hands and kisses Poe so tenderly. “No Poe, you’re the once who is so gorgeous.”

Poe has never felt beautiful before, he knows he is attractive that is what keeps Lord Ren and General Hux interested in him after all, but it’s different hearing it from Finn, it means something. Poe tries to convey that and everything else he’s feeling into his touches as he guides Finn through what he needs from him.

-

When I do get around to posting this on AO3 I may elaborate on what happens in the flight simulator room, but for tonight I leave it to your imaginations. Next chapter will be Finn again, can our dashing stormtrooper find out the truth?

Re: [Fill] Am I Breathing underwater? [4/7]

(Anonymous) 2016-05-02 06:15 am (UTC)(link)
It's always so exciting seeing an update to this fic!!!

Hope this week goes better for you. <3

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(Anonymous) 2016-05-02 03:32 pm (UTC)(link)
Seconded! I'm eagerly awaiting the rest.

Also, the bikini. Holy shit the bikini. I mean, this was already a fucked up scenario, but the bikini takes it to a whole new level of fucked up. One thing for him to rape Poe, but to roleplay rape his own fucking mother? Holy shit.

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(Anonymous) 2016-05-02 05:27 pm (UTC)(link)
When I read that my face did this twisted shocked thing. :|

Deep, dark, wonderful.

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(Anonymous) 2016-05-02 07:29 pm (UTC)(link)
I am SO SCARED for them. This whole thing feels like one big monster setup HNNNNNGGGGGG.

Another great chapter though!

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(Anonymous) 2016-05-03 07:44 am (UTC)(link)
Yes yes i want to know more about what happens in the flight simulator room in details..:D
Isn't every room has the security cameras? Will they get caught? :O

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(Anonymous) 2016-05-13 10:56 pm (UTC)(link)
I neeeeeed another chapter for this I'm dying. <3

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(Anonymous) 2016-05-17 05:09 pm (UTC)(link)
Hnnnnnggggg I need an update to this like I need fresh water and life blood.

[Fill] Am I Breathing underwater? [5/8]

(Anonymous) 2016-05-21 04:54 am (UTC)(link)
Hello my lovelies! Long time no see (which is my fault). I'm sorry for the long delay for this chapter and for traumatizing you with Kylo's mommy issues. As you can see I've changed the amount of chapters for this fic because I had a change of heart after I'd written this chapter and split it into two and had to rework it. I think it'll be much more angsty this way. This also means that I've got chapter 6 partially done and I'm almost started my holidays which means more time to write.

Enough of my blabbing though. Thank you everyone for reading and commenting and I hope you enjoy this chapter!


-

Following the incident with the flight simulator, and the amazing hour that followed (he’s still shocked that they weren’t discovered). Finn is determined to keep his promise to Poe. He’s going to find out what’s going on, he needs to know as much as Poe does just who they were before.

He and Poe have discussed it several times with what little freedom they have from General Hux and Lord Ren’s presence. The two men are scheduled to return to the Finalizer in a matter of cycles, meaning Poe and Finn will likely no longer be permitted their walks around the floor and their time in the workout room.

“Do you think that if we find out who we were that we can discover a place where we belong.” Poe asks, from inside his room. “Somewhere that we can be together without fear. . .”

Finn thinks about touching Poe, of holding him and kissing him whenever he desires it and he wants that so badly. “I’m sure we will. Even if we didn’t have a place like that before we can make a place for ourselves. We’ll get as far from the First Order as possible and make a home and life for ourselves. No fighting. No fear. Only happiness and love.”

Finn can’t see Poe but he can hear the smile in his voice as he hears Poe speak, and when he closes his eyes he can imagine Poe sitting with his back against the door smiling as he pictures their future. “I’d like that a lot. Even if it never happens, just the thought of it is enough.”

It won’t be enough, Finn thinks to himself, I’m going to get you somewhere safe even if I have to die trying.

Of course the desire to find the information isn’t as easy as locating it is. For starters Finn isn’t exactly permitted into any of the rooms that would have stations that would contain the data. Even if he was, finding the time to get in to one of these rooms would be near impossible; when he’s not with Poe, he still has to attend his usual training and is expected to relay his whereabouts at all times. To top it off it’s not as though stormtroopers are given much free time.

When General Hux and Lord Ren return to the Finalizer, Finn is still required to stand guard outside the door of Poe’s room. The first few nights are terrible as both men visit Poe often and it seems they’re making up for lost times. Finn’s only consolation is that Poe’s voice never sounds pained.

He can’t help but remember how much more passionate Poe sounded when Finn made love to him. Poe’s voice had been quiet to avoid detection but Finn had been able to read so much from the small gasps and moans of pleasure that Poe hadn’t been able to smother.

Poe is much more vocal General Hux and Lord Ren but it sounds like a performance, he is giving them what they want to hear.

It still breaks Finn’s hear to hear it, knowing Poe is being forced to let the two men do what they wanted to him. All Finn can do is remind himself that he is going to get Poe out of here just as soon as he can find the information that he needs.

By some miracle an opportunity presents itself not long after General Hux and Lord Ren return to the Finalizer.

It’s just before the ship’s scheduled night cycle that Finn makes his move. General Hux and Lord Ren stalk past him to go into Poe’s room and General Hux stops to address him. “FN-2187, your presence will not be needed for the rest of the night. You are dismissed.”

“Yes General.” Finn hopes Poe will be alright but he doesn’t dare give General Hux or Lord Ren any reason to think that anything has changed during their absence. He does wonder why they suddenly don’t wish for him to stand outside the room but he’s not going to waste the opportunity that has been presented to him.

Once the two men have entered the room he sets off down the hall, heading to the nearest room that contains an information terminal. Then he sets to work.

Given that he’s already been plotting this for awhile, it doesn’t take long for him to make it to the nearest room that contains a computer terminal that will allow him to access the information he needs. The fact that he needs access codes is irrelevant; he’s already obtained some from hovering around the techs just long enough on patrols to memorize their access codes. It wasn’t an easy task given how rarely Finn is given patrols around the ship.

Finn chooses to try and search his designation first; he doesn’t have much to go off of with Poe other than a name that may have been given to him by General Hux or Lord Ren. He’s actually surprised when FN-2187 yields results.

There’s a picture of himself out of his trooper armour looking badly beaten.

The information on the screen catalogues everything from when he began his training under the First Order up until as recently as his assignment as Poe’s guard. There’s a detailed section about his reconditioning that has Finn feeling ill as he reads it and then there’s the information from before.

TRAITOR

The words jumps out at Finn triggering something in his brain, he can hear the words shouted at him from two different people. There’s also pain and pride associated with it, which Finn doesn’t understand so he reads about his life before reconditioning.

He reads about the mission on Jakku, about defecting from the First Order along with Lord Ren’s valuable prisoner and aiding in keeping valuable information from the First Order.

Finn learns about how he joined the Resistance and helped them in taking down Starkiller Base.

The information tapers off there, mentioning only hints and sightings of him until APREHENDED AND SENT FOR RECONDITIONING flashes across the screen. The date is slightly more than a year ago.

Beside his name under reconditioning is another name; Poe Dameron.

Feeling sick to his stomach Finn looks up the information that the First Order has on Poe Dameron and the sight of Poe’s face bruised and bleeding looking at him in a holopic has him turning away from the screen so that he can regain control of himself. It’s all too much.

When he thinks he can continue, Finn turns back to the screen and loses himself in reading about Commander Poe Dameron.

If Finn was surprised about his own past, he’s floored by what he reads about who Poe was before. Commander Poe Dameron was the leader of the Resistance’s fighter corps, one of General Leia Organa’s trusted confidants, and the best pilot in the Resistance. It was Poe who struck the final blow to Starkiller Base and thwarted innumerable attempts and missions by the First Order.

He’s also the valuable prisoner that Finn helped escape when he deffected.

Suddenly it’s all too much Finn needs to get out of this room, he can’t breathe properly. Shutting down the terminal he backs out of the room and hurries off, pausing only to ensure that he won’t be spotted. He needs to talk to Poe but he knows that he won’t be able to do so until the next day.

He can only hope that no one discovers what he’s done until then; if someone has everything is over before it’s even begun.

That night he dreams about flying and crashing into a world of sand.

-

Morning comes and Finn is relieved and surprised to see that he has not been killed in his sleep. He can only hope his luck will last as he hurries to his position outside Poe’s door trying to act like everything is as it should be.

They’ve developed a system where Poe will knock three times on the door to tell Finn it is safe to speak. It takes two hours before he hears the knocks, which to Finn means that Poe was either extremely tired or too sore to move until now.

“Poe, I found the information.” Finn tells shim eagerly once he answers back with his own knock. “I was a stormtrooper that defected and you were a pilot, a commander for the Resistance! You were someone important Poe and I bet if we can get out of here they’ll take you back.”

The door swings open and it’s not Poe who is standing on the other side of the door but General Hux. “And you think they will take you back as well FN-2187? That they’ll open their arms to you a second time after what you’ve done.”

Finn makes a joked sound at the sight of General Hux, his eyes darting through the door to see that Lord Ren has a hold of Poe by the throat, forcing him to look in Finn’s direction.

There are tears glistening on Poe’s cheeks, and blood dripping from the corner of his lip. “F-Finn.”

“Why don’t you come in FN-2187?” It’s not a question it’s a command, General Hux steps aside to allow Finn to enter.

When Finn hesitates, General Hux tilts his head toward Lord Ren and suddenly Finn can hear Poe struggling to breathe as Lord Ren tightens his grip.

Finn doesn’t hesitate a second time.

-
-Slinks off before the torches come out-

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(Anonymous) 2016-05-21 05:46 am (UTC)(link)
Oh nooooooooooooooooooo Oh God!!

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