Anon, I read this first thing in the morning and it made me cry. The way you capture that specific psychotic depressive numb, refexively self-punishing mental state is impressive and terrible. The line about the body resisting transition between one life and the next hit like a sledgehammer. All the history and past you're describing here-- Ben's, Rey's voice talking about chopping off Snoke's head like a lizard, the shower scene, the scene with the young boy-- is painful and perfect to this universe; one of those fanworks you hope the canon is going to live up to. I don't know which way you're going to go with the last part; part of me is really really hoping that you somehow write your way out of this ngl-- but whatever you decide to do, you wrote something incredibly powerful.