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PROMPT POST #4

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+ All comments except fills should be posted anonymously.
+ All prompts should focus on TFA characters. You can't post OT or PT-only prompts.
+ One prompt per comment please.
+ You can request both kink and non-kink content
+ Crossovers, characters from the other media are allowed, but must relate to the 2015 movie in some way.
+ All prompt comments should begin with a pairing tag (eg Rey/Finn) or Gen for no pairing.
+ Use 'Any' when prompting for any pairing at all (eg Kylo/Any or Any/Any)
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+ Warn for common triggers, please
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+ prompts should not exceed ~250 words.
+ also, while this is not really a rule I can enforce, please try to limit yourselves to fewer than 5 prompts per page.
+ reposting prompts is currently not allowed.
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OP here!

I love this fill so much, you have no idea. I love the clothing Kylo ended up giving Hux, although that obviously isn't done yet!

Kylo designing sleepwear. XD You just know he is all "If I can't see you naked in bed, then I will see you fabulous!" And the tension building between the two! I can't wait for Hux to punch him with his mouth!

Ah, this is an amazing, amazing fill. Thank you so much for writing it!

“You’re insufferable,” he told Ren.

“Did you do something to your hair?” Ren asked.

His right hand went to his head before he could stop it. “What?”

“Your hair,” Ren repeated. “Your assistant was extremely rude to my hair stylist when he tried to get an appointment with you, so that can’t be it, but it looks much better than it did the other day.”

“I didn’t do anything to it,” Hux said, suddenly self-conscious. In fact, he’d refrained from putting any pomade in it that morning, all-too-mindful of Ren’s barbs, and it had to admit that it did in fact look a more vibrant red than it did most days.

But he wasn’t about to tell Ren that.

Ren took a step closer, almost crowding him – and enclosed as they were in the circle of mirrors, there wasn’t way for Hux to avoid the sight. Everywhere it was Ren, Ren, Ren, with his stupid smirk and stupid hair and truly despicable personality.

And excellent cologne, Hux was forced to admit to himself. Fuck.

“Well, whatever it is,” Ren said, almost lazily. “You should keep doing it. It looks good.”

Hux swallowed. “Right. I will keep that under consideration.”

“You do that,” Ren agreed. He was even closer now, merely inches away, looming with the coiled grace of a predator. “Tell me,” he continued, dragging the words out one by one. “Do you have any flying personnel in stand-by here at the Palace?”

Hux frowned, trying to figure out what the hell that was about. “Of course I do.” What kind of question was that? “There are always pilots in stand-by, for sudden flights.

“Great,” Ren smiled. He stepped back. “Then I’m going to need one to do a supply run.”

“What?”

“A supply run,” Ren shrugged. “It is in my contract, page five – I and my entourage are entitled to the usage of Palace resources during our stay, and we require a short hyperspace flight. When I inquired your assistant said that no pilots were available, but it’s good to see it must have been a mix-up.”

“Yes, that should be doable,” Hux agreed, not believing for a moment Savika would have ‘mixed up’ anything. “What do you need a ship for?”

Ren shrugged. “A last term purchase, I am afraid. You see, for my health is essential I only drink Lacian spring water, and you wouldn’t believe how hard it is to acquire on this planet.”

“So you need a hyperspace flight,” he repeated Ren’s words. “To Lacia. To get drinking water?”

That got him a nod. “I guess I’m lucky I got such a well-connected client,” Ren said. “And such an exhaustive contract.”

Hux almost couldn’t believe he’d seriously been considering kissing this man less than five minutes ago. What an absolute fucker.

“And how was your appointment with Master Ren this morning, sire?” Savika asked halfway through his lunch break.

“Better than I’d expected,” Hux said. He forcibly shoved a forkful of stew down his mouth. “He’s capricious, rude and I think he may be flirting with me, but once you get past all of that he actually does some good work.”

“Well, that’s progress,” she agreed, encouragingly. “I’ve put a bounty on him.”

He swallowed down another bit. “You’ve put a bounty on Ren?” Hux blinked. “That is actually quite brilliant. How much did you make it?”

“Thank you, sire,” She smiled. “And I made it forty thousand, but apparently it’s too low. No one would take the job – I think we might have something there.”

That was interesting. Forty thousand credits was by no means a fortune, but it was certainly a decent amount to ask for an idle Core ponce with no security to speak of. “Why wouldn’t they take it?”

Savika leaned in closer from where she was eating on the other side of his office desk, eyes gleaming in anticipation. “You’ll like this,” she said. “Apparently, eight years ago someone put a bounty on Ren, when he was just starting out. Apparently he seduced one of the children of a family he was working for, and the client took offence to that – there was some drama with a marriage contract, purity clauses…” her mouth twisted. “You know how backwards these old Core families are. So the client decided to have Ren killed, before they had to pay him, preferably, and hired a bounty hunter. Who disappeared.”

“Interesting,” Hux agreed, filing the information to muddle over later. “But hardly damning. Unless there’s more?” There probably was – Savika had a bit of a dramatic streak. Nowhere as bad as Ren’s, of course, not that anyone could possibly as dramatic as that insufferable man, but still nothing to sneer at. In fact, his assistant reminded Hux a bit of Phasma at her most mischievous, off-duty and after a few drinks.

There and then, he took mental notice to never, ever let Savika and Phasma in the same room without his direct supervision. With his luck, they’d probably start to date. And on that line… did Ren make a habit of sleeping with the people he worked for? Was that how he’d got so influential?

He was brought back to reality by a delicate cough.

“Sire?” Savika asked.

“Could you repeat that?” Distracted by thoughts of Kylo Ren. How humiliating. The entire situation was starting to become a problem.

“I said, that wasn’t the only bounty hunter who went after Ren. On the paper, he’s easy prey. There were at least four that I learned of, but a few others disappeared over the same period. A couple reappeared, later…” she flicked her heavy dark hair away from her face. “I was told it was very gruesome.”

“How gruesome?”

Savika shrugged, completely unfazed. “Hacked to pieces, apparently. Some sources say hot irons. Some others said hacked to pieces with a hot iron, though I’m not sure that’s physically possible. But no one would go after Ren for at least sixty thousand, and I’ve been asked to pay half of that upfront.”

Hux slumped back against his chair. “Well, this is interesting.”

“I thought so, sire,” she agreed. “Should I keep looking into that?”

He frowned. There wasn’t much to look into, not really – just a rhetorical question carried to the extreme by his ever-resourceful, over-zealous assistant, but there wasn’t anything else there, short of asking directly to Kylo Ren if he’d ever hacked somebody to pieces with a hot iron.

“Was there an official investigation?” Nine years ago, the Core had been under New Republic control, and while Hux held little faith in the ability of those useless bureaucrats to get anything done, someone somewhere must have deemed dismembered bodies an issue worth looking into. He hoped.

He didn’t get an answer; Savika was staring at a spot somewhere above his shoulder, looking vaguely embarrassed. That was new. Two months after Hux had been crowned, there had been rumors that a former lover of his had been looking into auctioning some private holomaterial of Hux in intimate situations. Savika had been the one to handle all of that – she’d had the holovids retrieved and destroyed unwatched, got her hands on all existing copies, and discretely hired a clean-up crew which had included two very good master assassin. She’d done all of that without even blinking.

“What is it?” Hux asked. A faint blush colored her cheeks.

“Sire, it’s that,” Savika started, then stuttered. “Um. There may have been an investigation at the time, but the events happened on Hosnian Prime. We don’t have a way to access any relevant files.”

“Ah.” Hux wondered if this was what his nanny used to mean when she told him that all actions did eventually have consequences. “How like the New Republic not to have a backup copy of their central databases,” he observed, mildly.

“I thought so, too, sire,” Savika said. She looked like she considered the New Republic’s inefficiency in data collection to be a personal insult.

“Well, there isn’t much to be done about that.” And Ren’s background check came out clean, he reminded himself. Kylo Ren had quite obviously created a brand new identity for himself a decade or so ago, but his existence since then was very well-documented, and very public. The oddest thing Hux could remember reading in Ren’s record was how he’d miraculously never been arrested despite his notorious tendency of outbursts in public places – strange, but not unsurprising for someone with so many connections in high places.

“You know what,” Hux said. “Let’s not waste any more time on this thing.”

I’m already spending too much time thinking about Kylo Ren as it is, he told himself. Savika nodded, but she looked hesitant.

“Oh, say what you have to say,” Hux growled. “I can take it.”

“I mean this with the uttermost respect,” Savika began. “And I know where all the bodies are buried.”

Hux pinched the bridge of nose with the finger of one hand. “You buried the bodies yourself,” he pointed out. “Come on, out with it.”

“When you say he was flirting with you…” she trailed off. He raised the hand that wasn’t currently massaging away the incoming headache, palm up.

“I’m going to stop you right here,” Hux said. “Do not.”

“I’m just saying, sire,” she said. Hux had his eyes closed, but he could feel her judging. “That would be a spectacularly bad decision.”

“Thank you for your absolutely unnecessary, gratuitous and unsolicited input,” he said, and went back to his lunch.

A/N: In case anyone were wondering, Ren has, at some point, totally slept with one of the red-headed models who look like Hux.

A/N #2: I'll post this on AO3 when it's done (I think about 3k left and it should be done by Sunday, but fics DO have a way to get away from me, so) in case anyone prefers it.

Awww, thank you OP <3

Between us, Kylo is totally expecting the moment Hux is going to snap and ay that he doesn't need sleep clothes, because he sleeps naked (which he does not, he's to dorky for that) so he can make some other innuendo and then act like he didn't mean it and it's all in Hux's perverted mind when he start to blush.

LOL, it kind of got away from me a bit :)

Thank you :) And Ren was born a diva, we all know it.

I'm surprised Ren didn't have sex with ALL of the Hux-lookalikes, individually or all at once... And looking forward to seeing this in Ao3 so I can kudos it!

Between the time Ren meets Hux and when he *actually* has sex with Hux, he gradually works his way through all the lookalikes. Individually, though - he wouldn't want them to know just how many Hux lookalikes he's been sleeping with, least they start to wonder WHY.

Lol that sounds about right.

This was so cute <3

EEEEEEE! I am here, and I see it! :D

First half is posted, second half will follow soon

Read it here (http://archiveofourown.org/works/6715960/chapters/15358180)

Heh. Moa might not be able to see very well, but she's definitely good at reading people. Especially her son, even if he's in a completely different dimension from him. If she'd lived she would have been the sort of mother who's always trying to meddle in her child's love life. Now she has to do everything by proxy, haha.

Of course Ben and Hux are both extremely stubborn and not really all that observant when it comes to their own feelings. Even if everyone else- dead or alive- sees it, they'll just dance around the obvious as long as possible.

Thanks for continuing to read! Things are still a bit bonkers around here, but I hope to have the next part up fairly soon.

This is wonderfully written and I love this kink. Looking forward to the next part!

that was adorable! (and then sexy lol). Nice work nonny!

Already read it. I love it!! (*read and reviewed*)

Hux's day just seemed to be going from bad to worse.

To start off with, breakfast in the canteen had been Nylaxian oatmeal. Everybody hated Nylaxian oatmeal. Even Nylaxians. But since that damn transport ship had gotten blown up, Starkiller Base was running out of just about everything- building materials, soap, food that wasn't terrible... about the only things that were properly stocked were the medical supplies. Amazingly enough, other than Ben's case, there hadn't been too many complicated illnesses or injuries in the past few months. While it might have sounded terrible to say, it was in some ways a good thing that the construction accidents on the base tended to be immediately fatal- it prevented the injured person from holding on only to remain in great pain, and it prevented running up too much of a cost.

But the more he thought about it in those terms, the more uncomfortable Hux became. Was that how his father had viewed his mother? Even before she had contracted the illness that took her life, she had not been in the best health- likely a result of being caught in the bombing run that had taken her eyesight. Who knew what being caught in the explosion had done to her body, even before she had become fatally ill? Hux remembered his mother as generally being cheerful and lively, at least when it came to him, but she did tend to tire easily. Had Commander Hux seen his wife and the mother of his son as a useless financial burden? The only time Hux ever saw his father strike his mother, he had thrown her to the ground while screaming at her about her weakness, her pathetic fear of the Resistance, and her recklessness in distrusting the Supreme Leader. But he also hadn't seen what went on between his parents when he wasn't around, and his mother did often need help that his father would provide- it was not a stretch of the imagination to realize that possibly his mother had been silently suffering under his father's cold and calculating personality, even if he never did hit her at any other time.

Hux found himself wondering- was that how he came off to his men? Was he a distant, unapproachable figure with a personality colder than the outside temperature? He didn't really mean to be- but it might just have been his nature. While people said he did tend to look a bit like his mother, except for the hair, he had always viewed his father as a powerful authority figure, and had tried to model his own behavior on him. But now that he thought about it- was that really such a good idea? If his suspicions were correct, and Snoke had murdered his mother- how much knowledge did has father have of that? Had he been complicit? The implications were unsettling.

While he was mulling over these disturbing thoughts, his datapad beeped twice in rapid succession. The first was a message from the medical bay- Dopheld Mitaka had recovered enough from his bout with the Kuyper pox and risk of transmission was low enough that he was being discharged in order to finish his recuperation in his own quarters- all he'd have to do was make sure to take the pills the doctors had prepared for him to kill off any remaining pathogens that might have been lurking around in his system. The message also went on to inform him that they had completed surgery on Ben, removed a strange metallic object from his lung, and that they were cautiously optimistic that when he completely regained consciousness he would begin to show marked improvement.

The second message had been sent to all command officers on all major ships within the First Order. A small cargo vessel delivering supplies to an Outer Rim planet stumbled across one of the star destroyers- the Annihilator, floating in space, seemingly dead. Concerned, the crew had docked with the ship and gone aboard to investigate.

Every single person, from the lowest maintenance worker right on up to the general in charge of the ship, was dead. Seemingly from coughing up blood.

Well damn! An update on Star Wars day! Very nice, and an interesting update it is!

Happy May the 4th!

---

This village was a quiet one with all the etiquettes of a typical small tight knit community. All of the villagers knew one another, went about their days on routine, and lived in relative peace.

But one night, from the darkness of the night, an army of shiny black and white emerged from the forests around and descended upon the town.

Now it is under siege by the First Order Army. The black and white shiny armours storm through, holding up blasters and imposing its rule on the villagers. Any who opposes their commands are shot.

Stormtrooper Designation FN-2187 watches the flames of the village smoke up into the night air. He is slowly feeling uneasy with everything he’s scene in the First Order. Day after day, each village, town, and city was invaded like this. Luckily he has never had to shoot someone because all the ones he encountered cooperated. All of the ones who protested were killed, and their families were imprisoned and their house burned to the ground.

FN-2187, like most of the Stormtroopers, was part of the Infantry, which was one of the lowest ranks. But though he was young and mostly inexperienced in being outside the castle and barracks, he showed great promise during training.

However, he wasn’t young enough to forget his childhood, and somehow the conditioning wasn’t enough to suppress his memories of being in the exact same position that these villagers were in: their families killed and the children taken into the army. To become weapons.

If he really tried, he could even remember the peace of when the Skywalker family ruled. Feelings of warmth and flickering memories of faces were all that he had left to remember of his childhood.

FN-2187 didn’t want to do this anymore. He had to run, he had to hide somewhere secure and wait until the First Order forgot about him. But where could he go? The First Order is everywhere. As he walked back to rejoin the troopers, something caught his eye and he gazed upwards and squinted as hard as he could through his helmet.

In the distance, FN-2187 saw the silhouette of a tower cloaked in the dark.

--

Poe Dameron dreamed that one day he could get close to the sky.

Something about the vast space just outside his window fascinates him. He often found himself wondering just what was outside of his one room tower, what it would feel like to be blown around by the breeze, the weightlessness of flying great distances, and the feel of nature surrounding you completely. Not that his own world was dark and cramped or anything like that, no, he had filled it with colours, with drawings of stars (as he imagined they’ll look), of airships he had seen flying in the sky.

For Poe’s whole life, the tower is his home. He spends his days keeping it clean, cooking and baking food for himself, reading all the books on his shelves (and always wishing for more), climbed all over the high ceilings and dusted the overhang. When the chores got boring, Poe started making new hobbies such as teaching himself how to sew and knit his own clothes, and built little things like ramps for BB-8 to roll over and under. He also taught himself how to play instruments: a guitar, a flute, the trumpet, the violin… hey he was bored alright? And he could only have small instruments with the limited space he had

Often, Poe would read more technical books to familiarize himself with all the parts and functions of a flying ship. Then when all of those things got boring, he would look outside, study the shapes and colours of everything he could see, and re-create it on his walls, painting in trees and flowers, fun patterns, and of course, his favourite thing to do was to paint in his own design. A corner of the wall was dedicated to an elegant black and orange ship (it was the only black item on the walls since anything else would darken the room too much) that Poe would often continue to modify. He even drew in his own droid companion, BB-8, into the ship.

But at the top of his drawings, right where the ceiling slopes circular, is a drawing of a large silver-grey ship radiating a rainbow of colours. He loves that drawing a lot, and would stare at it while lying on his bed. The ship no longer existed now, but Poe will always remember watching it in fascination as a child. It was the brightest thing in his memory that came from the outside world.

“BB, do you think maybe tomorrow will be the day?” Poe asked, looking adoringly at his faithful companion. He never feels too alone in his tower since BB-8, painted perfectly in orange and white (the two brightest colours he could think of without going blind), is always with him, and always has something to say.

BB-8 chirped happily.

“Yes,” said Poe, flopping over the large window that his room overlooks. “It’ll be my eighteenth birthday! I think I’m old enough to see the world at that age right?”

BB-8 beeps encouragingly.

“Aw thanks buddy, but Ben has said that it’s too dangerous out there. I wouldn’t be able to handle it by myself out there before… but you know, I think I’m ready now. I’m not scared like I was before.”

BB-8 is a round droid that Poe has had for many years, building it himself from the many books he had on his shelf, and from parts dropped off by his caretaker, Ben. Ben often saw BB-8 as a nuisance and has threatened to wipe the droid’s personality many times, but Poe saw BB-8 as utterly invaluable, and the perfect friend.

Poe also built BB-8 with the Astro-mech function because it has been his dream to experience flying. Maybe it is wishful thinking since neither droid nor human have ever sat in a ship even, but Poe has studied enough to know that this is what he’s always wanted to experience. He’s seen ships fly over his tower, though far up above, and usually in the direction of the main city where the Royal Airstrip was.

But more than anything, Poe has always wanted to see the real world with his own eyes. Reading and drawing about it probably didn’t compare to the real thing, or at least Poe felt so.

His caretaker always arrived right at the same time every morning. Poe is determined to summon up the courage today and ask. He took a deep breath, and looks out his window.

There was Ben, a black hood drawn up above his head, entering the clearing of Poe’s tower.

“Poe!” He called up.

“Coming!” Poe called back, and he lunged quickly for the grappling hook and rope that he kept on the wall, and tossed it down.

Ben climbed the tower with practice ease, not even struggling with the parcel he always carries, which usually contained food and supplies for Poe when he ran low. Though, today, Poe could tell that Ben had injured his hands since he winced while pulling himself up.

“Hi Ben, welcome back,” Poe greeted brightly.

“Oof,” Ben groaned, rubbing his wrists, “that was a rough climb.”

“What did you do to your hands this time?” Poe asked, hands on his hips disapprovingly.

Ben waves off the question, “just me being stupid. Punched a tree and it fought back.”

Poe gasps in surprise, “they do that? I didn’t know trees moved!”

Ben finally looks up, giving Poe an incredulous stare, before his face morphed into an indulgent smile. “Figure of speech, Poe.”

“Oh,” Poe felt stupid. Of course it was. “Right…. Right, well, Ben, as you know tomorrow is-”

“Poe,” Ben interrupts, “these really hurt, so could you… sing for me first?” He held up his fists. They were bruised badly, as though something seemed to be torn into them, a rough fabric pattern maybe? Poe couldn’t identify them.

“Oh!” Poe gasps again, abashed, “of course! Here…” Poe raced to grab a chair and guided Ben to the seat. Then he sat on the stool across from him and carefully took Ben’s injured hands into his lap.

“Any requests?” Poe asks.

“No, just sing whatever you want.”

“Okay then,” Poe starts off humming quietly, and quietly sings a short rhyming verse. The air around them seems to shake slightly with power as Poe sang. Then it suddenly stops.

The cuts, scrapes, and bruises on Ben’s knuckles were gone, as if they were never there. Ben pulled back his hands and inspected them only briefly.

“Thanks.”

“Anytime,” Poe shrugs, before remembering what he wanted to say before and quickly started getting back into it. “Ben, uh, as you probably already know, tomorrow is my birthday and…”

“Tomorrow?” Ben said, as though shocked, “no that can’t be right. I distinctly remember that your birthday was just last year.”

Poe knew Ben is teasing but he can’t help it, “see but, the thing about birthdays is that they are consecutive, you know, every year?”

“I couldn’t have guessed,” Ben deadpans.

Poe wonders if Ben is in a bad mood today, and he feels kind of shaken by the response he is getting. He looks to BB-8 in the corner and the little droid flicked a match in encouragement.

“So…” Poe starts again, gathering the courage to speak again, even as Ben had left the chair to go unpack the stuff he had brought. He had to resist the urge to fiddle with his clothes. “Tomorrow is my birthday and, I’ve been wanting this for a long time cause, you know, I turn eighteen and that’s a big milestone, and that I can handle responsibility now, and…”

“Poe,” Ben interrupted, “you’re rambling. Just tell me.”

“Right,” Poe cut himself off. He just has to say it, even if he had worried about Ben’s answer constantly for the past few days.

“I want to go outside.”

Ben went still.

“…what?”

“I want to go outside,” Poe repeated in earnest, and feeling a little more daring. “I want to feel the grass, I want see the ships! You know I’ve always wanted to see them up close, and there’s this ship you see… it may have been a long time ago, ten years in fact, but I can’t forget it. It was so beautiful… And it only came on my birthday every year, and somehow I can’t shake the feeling that it was for me, maybe? Or it’s supposed to mean something? I really want to see what’s out there!”

“You… want to go outside?” Ben finally spoke, and with every word, he grew louder. Angrier.

When Ben draws himself to full height, Poe feels like a tiny mouse next to him. Even feels like cowering like one. BB-8 rolled quickly out in alarm and stood next to Poe in a show of support.

Ben realizes that he is scaring Poe and quickly reigns all his emotions in, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. He has to speak to Poe delicately, or risk pushing Poe into taking desperate measures.

“Poe, I’m sorry. I was just… surprised.” Ben said in a calmer tone now, coming over to Poe and carefully taking his hand and rubbing it smoothly. Poe looked to him in confusion, but let Ben guide him over to the bed where both of them sat down.

BB-8 followed close though, eyeing Ben with a squint of her lens.

Ben shifted closer, pressing against Poe until they touching all along one side. The touch was comforting to Poe, who has only had Ben in his life to touch as another warm human being.

“Poe, listen to me,” Ben said quietly, trying to convey a soothing tone. “You want to go outside, but you don’t know anything about what’s out there.”

“But…” Ben put a finger to Poe’s lips.

“Let me finish. The outside world is cruel. It’s a constant struggle for survival, and only the strongest ones win. You’ve never had to experience it, the monsters of men, their scary teeth, and their mean words. They will take one look at you, Poe, and all they will see is your naivety, and your beauty, and they will take advantage. If they find out about your ability to heal, they will use you.”

“Out there, no one will care about you, only hurt you.” Ben continued, “But here? I can protect you from all that. This tower can protect them from reaching you, and you will be safe and never have to see their scary and cruel faces. See, Poe? You can’t go outside.”

“Ben, I…”

“Promise me, Poe, that you will never ask to go outside again.” Ben is staring at him in earnest.

Poe wanted to push, he really did. He felt in his mind that he could still do something to change Ben’s mind, but Ben made a lot of sense. He cares. Poe felt guilty just thinking that he still wanted to ask, so he decided on another request.

“I promise not to, if you could get me something else instead.”

Oh Ben, how can you be so mean to cute Poe and lock him up in a tower! Don't worry I'm sure your knight in black and white armour will be here soon!

Loved this!

This was WONDERFUL, I'm just *heart eyes* over here! I LOVE the way you write them <3

This is amazing! Any idea when the second chapter will be up?

Sometimes, you see and hear things as a Jedi historian that make you sick. The holotape that one of the pilots recovered from the First Order was one of them. "Dom, play it back and then go hide under the table."

My Ewok assistant did so.

"Your platoon, AB0723, fucked up, did it not?" Even a recording of Hux's voice scared me.

"We did, sir." That was a very young female stormtrooper's voice.

"You have disgraced the First Order, have you not?"

"We have, sir. Sir, you know I would serve you honorably..."

"Does this look like a trial to you, AB0723? We're going to play the game again, you know how this goes. Platoon! At attention! Draw straws!"

The scary sound of ten troopers at attention. Silence. A strangled scream.

"Well, AB0723, it seems like we'll be killing someone else instead. I will give you lot thirty seconds to aim your blasters at JB1031. He has the short straw."

"General Hux, please re..."

He doesn't finish his sentence because someone's already shot him. A flurry of blaster shots follow. "General, please..."

"Go to hell, JB1031," snaps AB0723. Is she stepping on his throat?!

"AB... AB... Stop... I..." She's clearly choking him to death.

A blaster shot. Probably through his skull. "See?" Hux says with pride. "AB0723 knows how it's done around here. She will go far."

"Long live the First fucking Order!" she yells.

I turn the tape off and try not to pass out.

Warning: Mention of non-con/character alluding to it having occurred
-

“Pssst, Rey, Finn come over here.” Both Finn and Rey turned as one to look to where Jessika was looking at them from around a corner, gesturing for them to come over to her. The expression in her face was serious, for once; curiosity and concern got the better of them, sharing a look they made their way over to her. “Follow me.” She didn’t say anything else until they were safely in a room, one occupied by Poe’s closest friends.

“What’s going on guys? Rey and I were just heading to a meeting with the General about the mission she’s sending us on with Poe.” Finn asked looking around at the group which consisted of Jessika, Iolo, Snap, Karé and Bastian. “Did something happen?”

The gathered group of pilots shared a look before Snap sighed and stood up. “There’s something you need to know before you go on this mission, something really important.”

Rey frowned wondering just what they were going on about. “Something about the mission or about Poe?”

“Something about Poe.” Snap answered, gesturing for them to take a seat. “We’re not trying to undermine him or anything, we love Poe and he’s a great leader, a badass pilot and super loyal to boot.”

There was a but hanging the air and Finn and Rey leaned closer to Snap after they’d taken their seats, waiting for the shoe to drop.

“But?” Finn prompted when Snap didn’t say anything.

It was Karé who spoke next. “Well all those are part of the problem, at least in this case. Everything that makes Poe so great also leads to the biggest issue that he presents.”

“Issue?” Rey parrots sceptically, because honestly she and Finn were both in agreement that Poe Dameron was pretty kriffing awesome.

“Let’s not beat around the bantha.” Iolo snapped, pointing a finger at Finn and Rey. “You need to keep Poe out of dangerous situations because that man will sacrifice everything to keep anyone safe. He’s so self-sacrificing he once tried to convince a ship of pirates that the most valuable booty onboard a ship we were piloting was himself to keep them from discovering the stash of bacta the two of us were transporting.”

Snap shook his head sadly. “He threw himself in front of me to take a blaster shot that would have done minimal damage to my arm, it lead to him being in the med bay for three weeks with a good sized hole through his shoulder. We were lucky we had bacta to heal the damage.”

“We were in a sleazy bar trying to round up some information when it was invaded by First Order sympathisers. They were looking for Resistance pilots and while no one in the bar really knew who we were at the time, Poe used himself as a distraction, seducing the men and almost taking them into a back room when rescue arrived.” Karé informed them with a shake of her head. “He puts himself in danger so others won’t have to be there.

Jessika, who had mostly been quiet until then spoke up, her gaze resting on the floor. “We were taken by a group of pirates, though more likely they were slavers.” She sighed, looking up to stare Finn and Rey in the eyes. “Poe’s lucky, most of the time something happens and he gets out of the sticky situations, but it’s happened where he hasn’t.” She didn’t elaborate, didn’t need to really, Finn and Rey had grown up in environments that allowed them to fill in what likely had happened.

“We need you to keep him safe, to make sure that he doesn’t put himself in danger for you.” Snap said seriously, before grinning. “Keep yourselves safe to. It’s generally best that you just don’t get into trouble, especially trouble that involves bars, pirates, the First Order, Hutts, scavengers, or you know most anything.”

Rey licked her lips nervously, “If something does happen how do we keep him from sacrificing himself?”

The pilots gestured for Rey and Finn to lean in closer. “The first thing you need to do is neutralize his greatest weapon and bargaining chip.”

As Jessika spoke, Karé pulled a bag out from under her chair and handed it to Finn. “This bag contains everything you’ll need to make sure that Poe does not look like a walking wet dream, thus nullifying any bad guy’s desires to take him to some back room and have their evil ways with him.”

Finn opened the bag and looked through it some of the items included a bantha mask, fake scars, wigs, even faux teeth. “How are we supposed to get him to wear any of this?”

“Oh that’s the easy part.” Iolo said with a chuckle. “The General knows about the Dameron Issue and pretty much any mission that involves Poe working with a partner is an undercover mission. She’s just as tired of him throwing himself into danger as the rest of us.”

Well that made sense, Poe was her best pilot, a commander in her army and if rumour had any validation he was also one of her confidants.

“Do you think you can do this? Can you keep Commander Can’t Help but Sacrifice Himself safe?”

“We’ll make sure he doesn’t get the chance to put himself into danger.” Rey promised fiercely. Poe was theirs, she and Finn, and they weren’t going to let anything happen to him, even if he tried his best to put himself in danger.

The pilots all nodded, apparently satisfied. “Good we’re counting on you.” Snap said, reaching over to pat them both on the shoulders.

“We won’t let you down.” Finn assured him confidently.

-

Four days later, when they were apprehended by a group of mercenaries looking for a quick credit. Poe didn’t even hesitate to try and trade himself for Finn and Rey’s safety, and even with all disguise on the leader looked as though he were considering the offer.

Lucky for Poe he had a Jedi and a former First Order Stormtrooper on his side. Rey was able to use the Force to freeze the mercenaries while Finn made quick work of knocking them out and tying them up once the three of them were free.

Soon they were back on their own ship and if Finn and Rey help Poe a little more tightly that night, well he didn’t need to know it’s because they were both afraid and determined because they were not going to let themselves get into such a situation again. Poe was theirs and they were going to keep him safe no matter what it took.

This was supposed to be funny, and then it got sad and then I couldn't get the humour back v.v Hopefully OP enjoyed anyway.

You can thank the Barenaked Ladies for the title cause I had 0 ideas and that's what was playing.

*wipes away a tear* Oh, Poe. Despite everything that was alluded to, this is adorable (and a pretty on-target parody of a lot of fic I've seen).

LOLLLLL!! My tummy hurts, I'm laughing like crazy in the middle of the night.

OP here and I am abso-freakin-lutely loving this!! I dunno if this is already my birthday that my prompt get filled so wonderfully. Thanks!!

Poe, Poe..his list of things that he sacrifised himself for were a combination of biggest importance to the most minicule (stack of bacta patches for his booty? Getting hospitalized for weeks in turn of a small risk of injury to his friend? Really? T__T) Each of his self-sacrifising stories were so priceless (was there really an encounter with the Hutt before? :D)

Turn out that The Walking Wet Dream™ greatest weapon is not just his look alone huh? If even in the most repulsive bantha mask the leader still considering to tap that.

I'm so glad that this turned to be jedistormpilot. With strong, caring and protective lovers like Finn and Rey maybe the troubles that Poe always get himself into will recede :D I love the part of Poe's friends give the 'briefing' to these 2 cinnamon rolls too. Also when Leia takes part in ensuring Poe's safety. She's the one that Poe can't say no to..even having to wear the most absurd wigs and fake teeth XD

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PROMPT POST #4

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Re: Fill: The Emperor's New Clothes, 3b/4-ish

Fill: The Emperor's New Clothes, 3c/4-ish

Re: Fill: The Emperor's New Clothes, 3b/4-ish

Re: Fill: The Emperor's New Clothes, 3b/4-ish

Re: Fill: The Emperor's New Clothes, 3a/4-ish

Re: Fill: The Emperor's New Clothes, 3c/4-ish

Re: Fill: The Emperor's New Clothes, 3c/4-ish

Re: A House Built Out in Space [1b/2]

Re: [Finn/Poe] Unbutton Your Clothes [1/1]

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Re: FILL: Ghost in the Machine [17/?]

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Re: [Finn/Poe] Unbutton Your Clothes [1/1]

Re: [Fill] Poe/Omcs, Poe/Finn, the real reason poe left the republic army, non-con

Re: FILL: Ghost in the Machine [18/?]

Re: FILL: Ghost in the Machine [18/?]

Re: [FILL] AU: Tales Apart [1/?]

Re: [FILL] AU: Tales Apart [1/?]

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Re: [Fill] Poe/Omcs, Poe/Finn, the real reason poe left the republic army, non-con

Duel of the Fates--request filled!

[Finn/Rey/Poe] It's All Been Done [1/1]

Re: [Finn/Rey/Poe] It's All Been Done [1/1]

Re: [Finn/Rey/Poe] It's All Been Done [1/1]